Tearless
by Um3k0
Summary: Shuichi has convinced himself that he's in love with Eiri, though he never receives any affection in return. Ryuichi is truly in love with Shuichi, and when the chance to show him presents itself, he jumps at it, determined to show Shuichi what true love is. But will Eiri let him? Or will he ensure that no-one can have Shuichi, or love, at all? *rewrite. YAOI. shuxryu
1. Super Drive

**- TEARLESS -**

_**"Will you always stay by me?"**_

**DISCLAIMER**

"Wahhh! I don't own Gravitation…"  
"Aww…Here! Kuma-chan will make you feel better, na no da!"  
*Insert mayhem here*

**-G-R-A-V-I-T-A-T-I-O-N-**

**CHAPTER ON**

**_" SUPER DRIVE "_**

**"S**hu-_chaaan_!"

"Eh?" Shuichi Shindou looked up from the new lyrics he was working on in time to see a flash of pink, before he was completely smothered by Ryuichi Sakuma, who was wearing his life-size Kumagoro suit.

"Ryuichi-san!" He smiled up at the older man who was hugging and nuzzling into him. "Good to see you again!" Ryuichi sighed and let Shuichi go. He placed both his hands on Shuichi's shoulders and leaned right into his face, sapphire eyes meeting amethyst in an intense stare. Shuichi blushed.

"Shu-chan! How many times! It's Ryu-chan! CHAN CHAN CHAN!" He cried, his voice full of genuine upset. He kept his eyes trained on Shuichi's and gave his very best 'Kumagoro Eye-Beam Attack!' glare. Shuichi was honestly convinced that his face could not possibly get any redder. "O-Okai! Ryu-chan, Ryu-chan!" he surrendered, raising both his hands in mock defeat. "I surrender!"

"YAY!" Ryuichi grabbed Shuichi's small wrists, and pulled him to his feet, the lyrics fluttering un-noticed to the floor. Ryuichi spun dramatically and pulled off his suit to reveal a frilly edged white shirt that was, for the most part, unbuttoned, revealing a smooth and toned chest, and tight blue skinny jeans that really did not leave much to be imagined. Shuichi couldn't help but stare... just a little. The man was incredible.

Ryuichi reached out and took hold of Shuichi's hands, tan on white, causing Shuichi to blush more. He couldn't help it. Even though he'd been close friends with Sakuma for over a year now, he still blushed when his idol touched him.

"Nee...Shu-chaaan... wanna help me warm up before I have to go record?" He grinned, and winked at the younger man. He let go the grip he had on his wrists, and allowed himself to quickly sweep his eyes over Shuichi's lithe form. Smirking to himself, he started to sway his hips and sing, encouraging Shuichi joining in.

"_Tooku de me o hikarasete mezameru monotachi matte iru_…"*

Shuichi grinned at him and accepted the challenge. Ryuichi knew that he'd never pass on an opportunity to sing with him.

**-G-R-A-V-I-T-A-T-I-O-N-**

They were back-to-back, bumping butts and belting it out, when Hiro Nakano walked in with Suguru Fujisaki, who surveyed the scene before him with a sense of impending doom.

"Um…"

"Don't ask, Fujisaki. Seriously." Hiro stated dryly, his expression stating he'd clearly seen worse. Suguru just nodded.  
Shuichi looked over at his two band members, and waved, letting the song die out. Ryuichi ran over and jumped on Hiro's back.

"HIRO-KUN!"

Hiro grinned at him over his shoulder.

"Heya Ryu-chan! What's up?"

Ryuichi's eyes sparkled as he happily explained. "We're dancing Hiro-kun! And singing my song! Come and play with us!" Hiro couldn't help laughing at the older man's energetic attitude to everything. Well, everything except -

"RYUICHI! IT'S REHERSAL TIME AND WHERE DO I FIND YOU?" Noriko's scolding voice broke through the fun atmosphere in the room, quickly dampening Ryuichi's spirits. He instantly shrunk down behind Hiro, and buried his head in his long red pony-tail.

"Nooo…I don't _wanna_ practice, Noriko! I wanna play with Shu-chan more!", he whined. "Lemme stay and play!"

But, his arguments once again proved pointless, as Noriko stomped over and grabbed his wrist and with a curt nod to the room, proceeded to drag a flailing Ryuichi out the door and down the hallway.  
They could hear his protests the whole way down.

"You're so meeeeeeeannn Norikooo! Don't wanna! Mr Bear's mad too! _KUMAGORO-BEA_- Ooh! CANDY!"

Hiro burst into laughter, and even Suguru allowed a chuckle.  
"Oh man, I hope he never grows up!" Hiro laughed, wiping at his eyes. "Don't you think so, Shu?" He turned to look at his friend, who had stayed oddly quiet, and noticed his eyes were unfocused and he seemed to be swaying where he stood. "Shu? You alright?"

Shuichi's eyes slowly closed and he crumpled with a soft thump onto the carpet.

"SHUICHI!"

**-G-R-A-V-I-T-A-T-I-O-N-**

"Shuichi? Can you hear me buddy?" Shuichi's eyelids fluttered and opened, Hiro's blurry face slowly swimming into view above him. He frowned a tiny bit at the pounding in his head, as he slowly worked out where he was. He was lying on the narrow couch in the recording studio. But how did get there?

"H-Hiro? What happened?"

His friend's worried face peered down at him, sporting a much deeper frown than his own. "You could tell us Shu! What was that? Since when do you faint?"

"I...fainted?" Shuichi sat up slowly, rubbing his head. As he moved his arm up, his little midriff shirt moved up, exposing a well formed, pale torso. Hiro's frown deepened. Shuichi was pale, even for him. "Ughh, my head."

"Sh-Shu-chan fainted?" Ryuichi's concerned voice sounded form the doorway. "Nee, Shu-chan!" He ran over and sat on the couch beside him, and pulled him in close to him. "Are you okai?!" Shuichi blushed at the intimate gesture and gave a small, tired smile.

"Yeah, I'm alright Ryu-chan just, y'know. Feeling a bit gross." Ryuichi grinned and hugged him tighter.

"You remembered! It's not Ryuichi-san anymore!" He buried his head in the crook of Shuichi's neck and sighed softly. Hiro and Suguru were asking Shuichi questions, which he was avoiding answering, none of them noticing Ryuichi's shoulders silently and gently shaking, until Shuichi noticed his neck felt damp, and concern creased his brow. Grinning sheepishly, he asked his friends if they would mind calling him a cab, as he didn't feel up to walking home, and Yuki wouldn't be picking him up. Hiro and Suguru glanced at each other and frowned, but complied. When they had left, Shuichi turned his attention to the man holding him.

He rubbed small comforting circles on Ryuichi's back. "It's okai, Ryu-chan. I'm alright." Ryuichi gave a quiet sniff and looked up at him. Shuichi couldn't help but gasp a little. It was Ryuichi's serious stage-face that was looking at him, and his eyes were red-rimmed and wet. Shuichi realised that he had indeed been crying.

"Ryu-chan?" But Ryuichi just stared at him, not moving his eyes from Shuichi's. When he spoke, it was in his serious voice, the one Shuichi rarely heard.

"Shuichi, I'm worried about you. Did…did he kick you out again last night? Because you are very pale, Shuichi, even for you. Where did you sleep last night? The park?" Shuichi lowered his eyes, and blushed as he nodded once, quickly. "I-it rained early this morning, but he let me back in for a shower. He just... had to work." Ryuichi's body had been tensing more and more with each word he spoke. He lowered his eyes to glower at the floor. "I see.", he said stiffly as he stood up suddenly, the sudden loss of his weight made Shuichi lose his balance on the narrow couch and he fell off.  
"It_aiiiiii_! My butt!" That snapped Ryu back to his normal hyper self.

"Ahh! Shu-chan! I'm sorry! Are you okai? Are you fatally wounded in your butt?!"

As he was helping Shuichi to his feet, both of them laughing and smiling, Shuichi looked into his eyes and trembled a little.  
Ryuichi's eyes were as cold as ice, and an anger that Shuichi had never seen the likes of swam through the sapphire depths.

_"Ryuichi?"_

**-G-R-A-V-I-T-A-T-I-O-N-**

So, here it is! the re-write of chapter one! I know it's still a short chapter, but I'm fleshing out the entire story, stretching it out over a few more chapters, so let me know what you think! :)

*The song is Nittle Graspers "Sleepless Beauty"


	2. Predilection

**DISCLAIMER**

"Um, excuse me? Mr Yuki?"

"What brat?"

Umeko hands Eiri the Disclaimer

"Would you please read this for me?"

Eiri scans the disclaimer

"That's the worst disclaimer I've ever read. You call that not owning Gravitation?" Eiri glares at Ume and tosses the disclaimer away.

"_You've got zero talent_."

Umeko cries as Eiri walks away

"You didn't have to be so mean about iiiiiiiiit!"

**-G-R-A-V-I-T-A-T-I-O-N-**

**CHAPTER TWO**

_**" PREDILECTION " **_

**S**huichi sat later that evening wearing a stunned expression on his face, staring at the apartment door that had just slammed shut in his face.

Again.

"Yuuukiiiii! Lemme iiin!" he wailed. But the only reply he got was silence. Shuichi heaved a sighed, and silently resigned himself to another night of sleeping curled up in the hallway with no notion of what he'd done to be there. He mentally cursed the pounding rain outside for prohibiting him from his favourite spot in the park. He leant back against Yuki's door, cursed the scratchy carpet, and pulled his knees up to his chin, burying his head on them. He had just lightly dozed off when he heard footsteps coming towards him. He wearily lifted his head and saw Ryuichi Sakuma kneeling down in front of him looking most confused.

"Shu-chan? Why are you out in the hallway? I was coming to visit you! Mr Bear and I just finished a new song! We want you to hear it! … Shu-chan? Are you crying?" His brow wrinkled in concern, and leant in closer to him. "Shu-chan?" Shuichi sniffed and shifted his eyes off to the side, wiping at them as he plastered a huge fake smile on his face.

"I'm okai Ryu-chan. Y-Yuki just needed some quiet in order to finish his new book, so he asked me to please sit out here quietly for the nigh- um, just for a while, so he could concentrate!" Ryuichi frowned deeply, and stared at Shuichi, forcing him to meet his gaze, all traces of humour wiped instantly from his face.

"That's not the truth, Shu-chan. Tell me the truth. Did he kick you out again?" Ryuichi's eyes were staring right into his, burning with anger and something Shuichi couldn't put a name to, his pink Mr Bear clutched to his chest with shaking hands. Shuichi felt himself giving in to those eyes. He nodded once, dropping his gaze to the ground.

"He said... that I was just in the way again. Just a brat... a h-hole to relieve himself in." He couldn't bring himself to look up from the ground, his face burning with humiliation. Shuichi heard the other singer's sharp intake of breath, and raised his eyes to Ryuichi. He saw that the brunet had risen to his feet, Mr. Bear forgotten on the ground, his hands clenched into tight shaking fists beside him. Ryuichi was giving the closed door behind Shuichi the scariest look the younger boy had ever seen on his face, nothing but unrestrained rage on his face. Shuichi gasped, a tiny sound, but it was enough. Ryuichi snapped himself out of it, and adjusted his face quickly. He gently smiled down at him, and held out his hand.

"C'mon Shu-chan! You're gonna come have a sleepover with Mr Bear and me! I have movies, and snacks and a super cool little studio and you can hear our new song! You'll even hear it before Tohma!" Ryuichi's childlike personality had dominance again, the rage and hatred gone from his eyes, replaced with mischief and amusement as he babbled away. "Besides, it's become quite a storm outside, can't you hear it?" Shuichi smiled back up at him, and took his hand, as massive clap of thunder rattled the window at the end of the hall. "Thanks, Ryu-chan, that sounds perfect."

_"It's so warm…his hand is so soft and warm…" _Shuichi blushed a little and waged a tiny inner war with his fanboy side as Ryuichi laced their fingers together. It was such an affectionate gesture, and one he couldn't help but wish came from another as easily as this. Yuki never held his hand willingly, unless Shuichi forced his hand into his, and never in public.

Ryuichi was pulling Shuichi down the brightly lit corridor and into the shiny elevator, humming to himself; his Mr Bear perched on top of his head. He started to sing quietly under his breath as they rode down in the elevator. Shuichi found himself reminiscing a little. It had only been a year ago that he'd ambushed Yuki in this elevator, and forced the prickly blonde to kiss him. With a sudden stab of heartache he realised that very little had changed in that year. Yuki was still cold as ice to him and kept him as far from him as possible. Wondering if he was actually in love with Yuki at all was exhausting him. Shuichi gave a small, sad sigh and shook his head, dispelling his negative thought. Instead, he tuned into what Ryuichi was singing. With a shock, he realised it was the Rage Beat.

"Ne...Ryu-chan?", he asked hesitantly. "Is that-?"

"Hai, Shu-chan! It's your first biiiiiig song!" The older man replied grinning happily at him and correctly interpreting the question. Shuichi flushed, and the brunet kept singing all the way to the car he had waiting downstairs.

Ryuichi knew all the words.

**-G-R-A-V-I-T-A-T-I-O-N-**

The car ride to Ryuichi's apartment was noisy and fun. There was scarcely a moment's silence, as the rockstar sang, talked and kept Shuichi entertained and busy. When they pulled into the garage of the building, Ryuichi grabbed Shuichi's hand again, and threaded their fingers back together.

"This way, Shu-chan! I live on the very top floor!" Shuichi just gaped at him, and followed into the elevator. Ryuichi was silent, but it wasn't uncomfortable. It was peaceful. 14 storeys up, the doors finally opened, and Ryuichi led him to the only door that was across from the elevator.

"This is my place, Shu-chan! It's the whole top floor! Isn't that cool? Tohma picked it for me.", he said proudly, as he unlocked the door.

"Wow…" Shuichi breathed. "It's…amazing!" Ryuichi's apartment was very modern, and very rockstar-ish. It was decorated in silver and black, with red highlights throughout. A large black leather lounge was set before an enormous TV set mounted on the wall. The lounge area opened onto a stylish and state-of-the-art kitchen. A short hallway showed only one open door, and two closed. There were a lot of awards and platinum albums on the walls, as well as lots of photo's of Nittle Grasper themselves. Shuichi felt a small glow of pride when he saw that Ryuichi had framed his copy of the Rage Beat's platinum edition, and the band's celebratory photo beside it. Ryuichi glanced at him and saw him staring at the wall. He came to stand beside him and smiled.

"Shu-chan's right up there beside Ryu-chan! Na no da!", he giggled, and grabbed Shuichi's hand, "C'mon, let's go to my room! We can watch a movie, then tomorrow you can hear my new song!" Shuichi smiled back and followed Ryuichi as he tugged him down the hallway to his room, nodding again as Ryuichi explained what the other two doors were. "This one is my studio, it's completely soundproof so I can go in there and just sing, and this one's the guest room! Well, more like Tohma's room since it's usually him that's staying here. It has it's own bathroom like mine!" Shuichi was thoroughly impressed - and intimidated - with the level of sophistication in Ryuichi's home, but couldn't hold back a bit of a giggle when he saw Ryuichi's room.

It was like a rainbow had crash landed there.

He had a hot pink wall, an electric blue wall, a blood red wall and a wall the colour of sunshine. There were tiny rugs in a multitude of colours haphazardly scattered all over the cream carpet. Ryuichi let go of his hand, and turned to a cabinet under the television. There was minimal furniture throughout, just a large TV on a cabinet full of DVD's, a walk-in-robe that lead into a massive ensuite and a bed. His bed was the opposite of the rest of his room, yet somehow fit perfectly. It was a huge four-poster framed with sheer black and red chiffon curtains. The cover was black silk with red sakura blossoms embroidered on it, and black and red satin sheets. It was covered in pillows and cushions, and looked like it had been slept in recently. All the sheets were rumpled and carelessly spread back over the bed. Shuichi was standing stock still in front of the television, staring in awe at it all, when he suddenly felt a tug on his shirt. He looked down, and saw Ryuichi kneeling down before him, grinning wickedly. His face suddenly felt very warm.

"R-Ryu-chan!?" he squeaked. Ryuichi just cheekily grinned up at him.

"C'mon Shu-chan! It's movie time! Tohma lent me one…let's see-" he shuffled back a step and rummaged in the cabinet under the TV. "-Aha! Here it is! _Ju-On _…Ooh it sounds perfect for our rainy stormy night! Let's get comfy! That means, pyjamas! You can borrow mine, okai?" Shuichi nodded, dumbfounded as Ryuichi strolled into the walk-in-robe, re-emerging a few moments later in a pair of black lounge pants and a baggy white shirt. "I put the same out for you on the bathroom counter, 'kai Shu-chan? Go get changed while I put the movie on!"

"R-right! Thanks again, Ryu-chan." Shuichi smiled, a true and happy smile at him, his embarrassment fading, and walked into the ensuite, gently closing the door behind him.

_"I'm in Ryuichi Sakuma's private ensuite. It's bigger than my room at home. That shower looks amazing. Oh god, do I smell?!" _He quickly ifted his arms and sniffed. _"Okai, all good there." _He quickly stripped out of his clothes and dressed in the pants and shirt the Ryuichi had laid out for him. The pants were a couple sizes bigger than his, so they hung perilously low on his hips. He pulled the shirt over his head and noticed it looked a little like a nightie. _"I look like a chick borrowing her boyfriends clothes"_, he thought dryly to himself as he quickly appraised his reflection in the full size mirror behind the door. Giving a small sigh, he gathered his clothes in a bundle and walked back into the bedroom, leaving his clothes near the closet door. Ryuichi had already turned out all the lights and jumped onto his bed, cuddled up under the covers. He glanced over where Shuichi was still standing and impatiently motioned for the to join him. Doing his best to ignore the butterflies going haywire in his tummy, Shuichi smiled shyly and plopped down on the bed next to the brunet. Kumagoro was placed on Ryuichi's other side, and the two settled in to watch the movie.

The scene twenty minutes later, however, was a completely different story. Shuichi was clinging to Ryuichi, and Ryuichi to him, eyes wide and mouth open. Kumagoro lay forgotten on the floor, where he had fallen when Ryuichi had leapt over at Shuichi when the younger man had jumped about a foot in the air and squealed at the screen. When Shuichi couldn't stand anymore, he buried his head into Ryuichi's chest and wrapped his arms around him, holding the singer tightly to him. "Sorry, Ryu-chan, but I-I'm really scared!" Ryuichi blushed lightly, and held him closer. "It's okai, Shu-chan. I'm really scared too!"

_"He's in my bed, in my clothes and in my arms..."_, Ryuichi's thoughts were beginning to wander in a dangerous direction for him. His thoughts regarding Shuichi were something that only Noriko and Tohma were privy to. _"I mustn't let this change anything! He loves Yuki...not me." _He forced his mind blank, and concentrated on the movie. It was all in vain, for him, in the end. The ending credits were rolling, the movie long forgotten by both. Shuichi lay half on top of Ryuichi, his head nestled into the crook of Ryuchi's neck, one of his hands gripping the others tightly in his own, his other comfortably tucked underneath Ryuichi.

Ryuichi sighed happily, holding the small pink-haired boy close to him, as though he was afraid that he might vanish during the night. He turned the TV off, and the soft sound of the rain and thunder filled the room. He gave an experimental poke to see if Shuichi was actually asleep. Shuichi just mumbled something incoherent, his breath and lips on Ryuichi's neck sending shivers down his spine, his grip on the brunet's hand tightening.

"Shuichi…", Ryuichi barely let himself breathe the words aloud. "I want to stay like this with you, always. Ever since I first saw you, when you were frozen on stage... That's why I helped you. I've always been there to help you, haven't I? Yuki…he doesn't love you. Not like I do...nobody d-does…" Ryuichi spoke to the dark room, his words barely audible, a single tear finding its way down his cheek. He shifted a little, and buried his face in Shuichi's hair, breathing in the scent that was Shuichi, strawberries and vanilla, as more tears fell silently.

"Shui…chi…" he breathed, his voice cracking. "Oh…Shuichi…" he pulled the younger boy closer still to him, and held him that way through the entire night, long after his tears dried and sleep claimed him.

* * *

Ryuichi was the first to wake the next morning. He tilted his head to look at the clock on the wall beside the bed. 6:00am. What an absolutely ungodly hour for a Saturday morning. He scrunched up his face, and decided there was no way in hell he was moving. He had never, ever in his life, been as comfortable as he was _right now_. Looking down, he smiled when he saw how he and Shuichi were lying. Ryuichi was lying on his side; his legs entwined with Shuichi's, one of his hands still being held by Shuichi, the other holding him close to him. Shuichi had his other hand fisted in the front of Ryuichi's shirt, his strawberry pink locks spread over Ryuichis arm, perfect lips parted slightly as he slept. He couldn't suppress the grin when Shuichi stirred in his sleep, and pushed himself closer to Ryuichi. He was so adorably affectionate in his sleep.

"Ryu…" he sighed. "I love you..." Ryuichi drew a sharp breath, and unconsciously tightened his grip on him. Shuichi simply mumbled something unintelligible and slept on.

_"I wonder when was the last time he's been allowed to actually sleep? He seems to be absolutely exhausted. But, did I really just hear him say that?"_

Ryuichi understood all too well the pressure that singers were constantly under - especially those managed by K - and found himself sympathising as he remembered how hard it had been for him when Nittle Grasper had been starting out. But he couldn't shake what he'd heard. "Shuichi?" he asked quietly. Shuichi stirred a little and muttered "just a little longer Hiro…" Ryuichi smiled and sighed.

_"Well, maybe...it's like a sign? I could always just tell him…NO! I couldn't do that - could I?"_ He sighed gently, and whispered to himself in quiet confusion."I wonder... if I could I tell him?"

"Tell who what?" asked a very sleepy and slightly muffled voice, as Shuichi shifted a little. Ryuichi looked down and saw sleepy, half-lidded amethyst eyes staring at him curiously, the rest of his small face buried in Ryu's chest. Ryuichi blushed and gave quiet nervous chuckle. "Tell Tohma-chan t-that I did the arrangement for the new song all myself!", he quickly came up with. Shuichi just nodded, and buried his face back into Ryu's chest.

"You're…so warm Ryuichi…" came his muffled voice. Ryuichi couldn't help but give a tiny shiver at the way Shuichi said his name. So full of affection and tenderness. "You're…so much warmer than Yuki…he won't let me snuggle with him like this…he just calls me a damned brat…pushes me away…not…like you…so warm…so...loving..." his voice slowly trailed off as Shuichi fell back asleep, his warm, soft breaths on Ryuichi's chest slowing to a steady even rate. Ryuichi looked down at the small sleeping form in shock, and amazement.

"Shuichi…"

**-G-R-A-V-I-T-A-T-I-O-N-**

"Huh? Lunch-time?" Shuichi blinked blearily at Ryuichi, who was reaching over him to place his book on the bedside table. Shuichi was trying to focus on the words he was saying. Shock spread over his features as what it finally dawned on him. "Y-y-you mean you've been awake that much longer and y-you actually stayed in bed so that I could sleep!?" Shuichi snapped to a state of total awareness at the rock star's confession of an early start.

"I sure did Shu-chan. You were so tired, and you looked so comfy where you are, so I stayed here like this with you so you could sleep, na no da!" The brunet grinned happily at him.

Shuichi blushed lightly. "Thanks Ryu." His eyes suddenly widenend. "Uh, Ryu-chan! Sorry!" He made a move as though to roll away and realised that he was trapped. Looking down, he honestly thought the glow from his face should be visible from space. "Ahh! Sorry Ryu-chan, I've kept you in bed like this all morning, no wonder you couldn't get up!"he spluttered, as he slowly untangled himself from Ryuichi. But he couldn't help feeling just a little disappointed as he did. He also noticed that he was still holding Ryuichi's hand, and let it go, slowly, allowing his fingertips to delicately trace the other's as they moved. Ryuichi just lay there smiling at him, until he had completely untwined himself, and sat up, stretching his arms above his head as he did so.

"So, Shu-chan! Do you wanna hear my new song? It's really cool! Then we can have lunch! How about ramen? There's a great place just down the street from here!" Shuichi nodded, and followed Ryuichi as he leapt off the bed and bounced out the door. He followed him into the room he'd pointed out as his studio yesterday, and sat down on the tiny couch that was against one wall. He passed an appreciative glance around the room as Ryuichi fiddled with the mini sound-desk. There were electric and acousitc guitars on stands, sheets of paper everywhere, pens and pencils, and a top-of-the-line microphone. Ryuichi looked over at him and blushed as he dropped his gaze to the floor, his hands wrapped around Kumagoro. "It's rough, but I think you should be able to get a feel of where I want it to go."  
Shuichi simply sat and listened, his eyes closed. He let the sound of Ryuichi's voice wash over him and just listened.

_"…Can't get enough kanashige na kao kara_

_Don't let me down, itami sae fukuetara_

_One more night, junsui na ai dake_

_tookunai mirai kanaeru sa …"_

Once it was given the Tohma makeover, Shuichi could tell it would be amazing. Ryuichi, who had kept his eyes on the floor the whole time, looked up as the song came to an end. His eyes met Shuichi's, and he grinned. Shuichi's eyes were misty with admiration and unabashed joy. "Ryu-chan," he gushed. "That, is the most _amazing_ thing I have ever had the privelidge to hear!" Ryuichi blushed, and averted his eyes as he cleared his throat a little, and shoved his hands nervously through his hair, tying it back with a hairband from his wrist. "Um…Shu-chan…?"

"Yeah?"

"Do you think - well - do you wanna stay over again tonight? We can go into work together tomorrow! Please? It'll be fun! We can watch another movie! But…not a scary one this time," Ryuichi laughed. To his surprise, Shuichi was nodding enthusiastically, his hair bouncing around his face. "Really? That would be awesome! Thanks so much Ryu-chan, it's gonna be so much fun again!"

_"I mean, it's not exactly like Yuki will mind, he did kick me out after all, bastard probably won't even notice I'm not there. Besides, there's something about Ryuichi that seems so...I think I'm really starting to -ACK! CLOTHES!"_

"I don't have any clothes!" He suddenly blurted. Ryuichi just grinned. "That's okai Shu-chan! You can borrow mine!" he said excitedly. "Yay! Shu-chan is staying over again!" Shuichi just nodded and grinned in agreement as he got up from the couch and wandered over to the acoustic guitars. Ryuichi followed him with his eyes, and smiled softly.

_"Ne, Shuichi... Did you know? I'm in love with you."_

**-G-R-A-V-I-T-A-T-I-O-N-**

There it is, the re-write for chapter two :)

The translations for the bit of song and the movie title:

**Ju-On – the Grudge**. I mean the original and better Japanese version for this ;)

**The song translation is this:**

Can't get enough If I could wipe even the pain

Don't let me down From your sad face

One more night Only pure love

Would be granted in the near future

**Predilection, Nittle Grasper.**

**xx**


	3. Blind Game Again

**- TEARLESS -**

**DISCLAIMER**

"Yo! Mr. K! Read this, will you?"

K takes the offered disclaimer stating that Umeko does in fact **_not_** own Gravitation and scrunches it up.

He then laughs maniacally, points a rifle at her and shoots.

**-G-R-A-V-I-T-A-T-I-O-N-**

**CHAPTER THREE**

**_" BLIND GAME AGAIN "_**

"**R**yu? Ne, Ryuichi you in there?" Noriko waved a hand in front of her best friend and fellow band mate's face to get his attention. He didn't even blink, just sitting still as a statue in his chair. "Ryuichi? Hon?" She gently reached out and patted his cheek. Ryuichi started and looked at her, a weak smile playing on his mouth.

"Oh, Nori-chi! I'm sorry! I was thinking about stuff and I spaced out. Is something wrong? Did Ryu-chan miss something important? Is there an interview or rehearsal?" he cocked his head to the side as he asked, any attempt at a smile slipping away. Noriko shook her head at him, confused. It was Ryuichi's serious side who she was talking to. Normally, he was like a child. He was only this way when he was performing, or something was wrong. As her maternal instincts kicked in with concern, Ryuichi looked back down, fiddling with Kumagoro. His bangs fell forward to cover his eyes, and Noriko couldn't help but notice they needed a trim.

_"I must be getting old, fancy noticing a thing like that right now...Ugh."_

"Ne...Nori-chi?" Noriko snapped her head back to attention at the sound of Ryuichi's hesitant voice. She turned her gaze to his, and found his eyes were shimmering with tears.

"Ryu, honey, what on earth-" she began, but Ryuichi cut her off before she could finish.  
"Ne, Nori-chi, if you... If you heard someone say something, something that you'd been so desperate to hear, but they said it in their sleep, while they were sleeping next to you, does it still count?" he blurted in a rush. Noriko blinked rapidly for a moment, and Ryuichi lowered his gaze back to Kumagoro. Without realizing, she grabbed the end of her plaited lavender hair and started twisting it around her fingers as she quickly translated from 'Super-Speed-Ryuichi' speech into 'Everyone Else Speed' speech what he'd just said to her. Then she remembered something. He'd said on Friday night that he was going to go and visit Shindou-kun, because the kid had fainted or something. And then ...  
_"Ah...there it is."_

"Ryu... Is this to do with Shindou-kun? Did something happen?" she asked gently, letting go her hair to place her hands in her lap. "Did he say something in his sleep to you?" From the way Ryuichi's head jerked up so suddenly it looked as though his neck might dislocate, she assumed she was correct. He met her violet stare dead on for a moment, and she caught a glimpse of pain, hope and something else shining there, before he dropped his eyes back to his lap.

"Well, when I went to visit him, h-he'd been kicked out again. So I took him back home with me. He wore my pajamas and we watched a scary movie. But he was so tired, cause, remember he fainted that afternoon? Well, he... he fell asleep. In my arms, just fell asleep." Ryuichi sighed softly. "He... just trusted me so completely. I've never had that. But he said ... he said he loved me." His voice shook a little, and the tears that had been threatening to fall, began to do so. He slowly let go of Kumagoro, and brought his hands to rest over his heart. "Nori...It truly hurts when I think that maybe he didn't mean it. Be-because I really d-do! I l-love him! I always, always have Nori..." Ryuichi, idol to millions and Japan's most successful rock-star, crumbled, his emotions overwhelming him. With no hesitation, Noriko reached out, and pulled Ryuichi into her arms as best she could. She maneuvered him onto the couch where she was seated and rested his head in her lap as he sobbed his heart out. She ran her fingers through the brunet locks, gently scraping her long nails against his scalp, making quiet hushing noises. Calming Ryuichi Sakuma was something she could do very well. She'd had to learn out of necessity when Grasper had hit the big time, and Ryuichi ... well. His split personality spoke for itself really.

She wasn't sure how much time had passed before she noticed that his sobbing had ceased, and the trembling had eased. His breathing was slow and steady. He'd cried himself to sleep. Noriko stayed exactly where she was, just running her fingers through his hair and working over everything he'd told her in her mind. She and Tohma had known right from day one that Ryuichi was in love with Shindou, but she'd had no idea just how deep those feelings clearly were for the man in her lap. She wasn't even sure if Ryuichi himself understood how deep his feelings were. A sound in the doorway caught her attention, and she mentally shook herself out of her reverie. Tohma was standing in the doorway, concern written all over his face.

"Noriko, wha-" He fell silent as she slowly shook her head, and motioned with her free hand for him to sit in Ryuichi's empty chair. His eyes softened as he looked at Ryuichi's face, the half-dry tear tracks clearly visible. He gave a soft sigh and looked up.

"Shindou-san?" When Noriko nodded, he sighed again. "What happened, Noriko?" She filled him in as quickly as she could, never ceasing her movements in Ryuichi's hair. Tohma's emerald eyes never left hers as she spoke, and she watched as they filled with concern over their best friend. Ryuichi was so important to the two of them.

"The song that Ryu wrote, 'Predilection'... He wrote that because of his feelings for Shindou didn't he?" Tohma nodded in agreement. Noriko couldn't help the small huff of irritation that slipped past her lips. Without realizing it, Shindou had ended up in quite the situation.

"So what do we do Tohma? Ryu said that Shindou's gonna be staying with him for at least another night." She looked down at the man who was starting to stir in her lap.

"I am afraid, there's nothing we can do. We just have to let this play out, and hope that Shindou, and Ryuichi too, realize what they have between them. It's obvious Shindou is in love with him on some level." Noriko nodded, and moved her hand gently from Ryuichi's head. He stirred, and slowly opened his eyes, instantly spotting Tohma. She smiled as he leapt up from her lap and jumped on Tohma, cheerfully describing his happy weekend and the fact he wanted to start working on the new album now. Tohma met her eyes, just for a moment and they both nodded minutely. They would stand by Ryuichi no matter what. They were family.

_"Just be strong Ryuichi. Love is never a smooth road."_

**-G-R-A-V-I-T-A-T-I-O-N-**

Shuichi had a problem.

He had a huge, terrible, enormous, absolutely monstrous problem.

A problem to end all other problems, so catastrophically problematic was this problem of his.

The vending machine in the cafeteria of N-G was out of strawberry pocky.

He was fairly certain that it was a sign of the impending apocalypse.

Sighing dramatically, he turned to his best friend.

"Hiiiiro! Nee Hiiirooo!" he pulled out his very best puppy dog eyes, and his extra adorable, super-charged pout. "Will you take me to Yuki's apartment? I have to get some clothes, and pocky, and let him know I won't be home tonight."

One look at Shuichi's face, and Hiro was a goner. He never could resist those puppy-dog eyes.

He spent the entire motorcycle ride to the apartment cursing those puppy-dog eyes in his mind. He parked out on the front curb, and leant against his bike as Shuichi bounded away into the building, and lit a cigarette as he replayed the discussion he'd had with Shuichi earlier.

_~flashback~_

_"Hey, Hiro?" _  
_"Yeah buddy?" _  
_"How do you know when you're in love? Like, for real?"_

_Hiro paused in tuning his guitar and turned to look at Shuichi. He was sitting on the table, knees under his chin, ridiculously pink bangs hiding his face. The red-head shifted uncomfortably in his chair, and scratched his cheek as he thought._

_"Well, uh, I guess when you feel as though you can't possibly live without them. When it's painful to be apart, and you just can't picture your future without them. It's... well, I mean, it's different for everyone but I think that if you can't even imagine yourself tomorrow without them, then that's real love." _  
_Shuichi raised his head, and met Hiro's blue eyes in a steady gaze._

_"I thought the same thing. It's just... I don't see Yuki anymore. I think of tomorrow and... And I don't see him anymore. I don't think I've seen Yuki there in a long time, Hiro. What does that mean?" Hiro just shook his head slightly._

_"Shu, that's something you gotta work through yourself." Shuichi kept his eyes matched to Hiro's and gave a tiny smile._

_"Y'know... I think I've already started to."_

_~end~_

"Geeze, Shuichi. Your love life is so much more complicated than anything on _'Icha Icha Paradise*'._ And that show is damned dramatic!" he grumbled to himself.

* * *

Shuichi unlocked the door to the apartment, and stepped inside. He knew instantly that Yuki wouldn't be there. He always went out on Sunday's, but never told Shuichi where. He sighed, and after removing his shoes, slowly made his way into the kitchen for his pocky fix before he rounded up clothes for the night. As he turned towards the fridge for a drink, his prize in his hands, he noticed a piece of paper stuck there with his favorite sunflower magnet.

He pulled it off and read it. It was dated with Saturday's date. Just yesterday.

_" Brat -_

_Gone to New York for a month. Don't trash my apartment, get what you need and go elsewhere._

_Don't call me."_

Shuichi's entire body was shaking with rage as he re-read the note. He folded it in half, and then tore it in half, and threw it in the bin.

"Well. I guess that works out well, doesn't it, Yuki?" he spoke aloud to the empty apartment, bitterness and rage barely suppressed in his tone. "I guess a note will be enough for you then." He grabbed the notebook from beside the phone, and a pen, and without hesitating, he wrote Yuki a letter. He left the notebook open to the right page, where he knew it would be found, on Yuki's pillow, with his house key resting on top.

It took him only 10 minutes round up all his belongings and pack them into a backpack and an overnight bag. During their entire relationship, he'd never moved anything personal in again after his first disastrous attempt. He still found it hard to believe it had only been a little over 12 months. It felt like so much longer to him some days. Hoisting his bag onto his back, and picking up his overnight bag, he stood in the entry way and stared at the apartment he'd tried so hard to make his home. To him, everything from the couch that he'd spent so many nights on - when Yuki decided that sharing the bed was a nuisance - to the mug that the author had left in the kitchen sink, held a memory. Some of them happy, most of them bittersweet, one-sided in their joy. He let a single tear slide down his cheek, as he slipped his feet into his shoes. Taking a deep breath, he calmly walked out without a backward glance, the locked door slamming closed behind him.

* * *

_"Dear Yuki,_

_I haven't touched anything in 'your' apartment, obviously, since your coffee cup is still in the sink, and you forgot to make the bed again._

_By the time you read this, the place will have been empty for a month, as you instructed._

_Today is Sunday, and as I'm sure that you won't notice yourself, I'll tell you now._

_My stuff is gone, and so am I. Your apartment is yours again, and so is your life._

_I'm so tired now, Yuki. My heart is tired, and it hurts._

_So, I give up. You win._

_Aren't you happy? Now, it's just you again, like you want._

_This both was and wasn't an easy decision for me, but it's one that I am determined to stick to. Truthfully, I feel as though I made this decision a long time ago, but lacked the resolve to initiate our break-up._

_I believe that I deserve to be happy. And I also believe that I'm starting to realize who it is that truly makes me happy... I think I've realized it for a little while now._

_It saddens me that it isn't you, but I know you won't care, in the end. After all, you can easily keep your bed warm at night with anyone you want. Isn't that what you told me?_

_I hope you can appreciate my honesty here, because it's more than you've given me._

_Truly, the worst part is that I honestly tried so damn hard to love you, Eiri, and to make you see that._

_All I ever wanted was to be loved by you in return._

_But love shouldn't feel like this does._

_-Shuichi Shindou."_

**-G-R-A-V-I-T-A-T-I-O-N-**

The Shuichi that came back down to Hiro's bike was a different Shuichi then the one who went upstairs. Hiro narrowed his eyes as he noticed the bags he was carrying. Those bags never left the apartment. He frowned at his best friends smiling face.

"I take it that, whatever that was, it went well?" he asked casually. Shuichi nodded, and his smile widened.

"Yuki's gone to New York for a month. He left yesterday. Left me a note though, which was considerate. So, I left him a letter in return." he replied, just as casually. "I told him that I'd do as he asked and get what I need, and go stay elsewhere. I also told him that I'm done." Hiro's eyes widened and his jaw dropped.  
"D-d-done?" he spluttered. "B-but, this is you! You and Yuki!" Shuichi just nodded, and leant beside him on the bike.

"I'm tired, Hiro. So damned tired of trying to convince him, and even myself now, that I love him. I wanna be happy. I know I deserve to be happy. I do, right Hiro?" he asked, turning his face to stare at Hiro, who running both his hands through his flaming hair. Hiro started, and turned as well. He nodded, and reached out to pull the shorter guy into a hug.

"Hell Shu, you deserve more than that buddy." They stood there, ignoring the pointed stares and whispers. A huge crack of thunder overhead startled them apart. Hiro grinned down at Shuichi who returned it full force.

"C'mon, let's get back to the studio and work out where the hell you're gonna live before we drown!"  
"Oh, I have an idea Hiro." Shuichi smirked as he latched onto Hiro's waist. "Don't worry! This has actually been a good day!"

* * *

They made it to the underground parking of N-G Studios just as the skies opened and let loose.

As they were walking back to the studio they were in for the day, Shuichi suddenly stopped. He was staring through the small window in a door as though he was seeing the sun for the first time. Hiro stepped up behind him to have a peek at what he was staring at.

_"Ohh. Well, it is an impressive sight, I'll give him that." _Hiro snickered softly as he sneaked a glance at Shuichi's awe-struck face.

Ryuichi Sakuma was recording. The man was so passionate about his singing, it looked almost like he was making love to the microphone. His face would express every nuance and emotion in his lyrics as much as his voice. He definitely earned his title of a musical god.

"Ne, Shu. C'mon, we better get back to our studio before K come's lookin'." He nudged gently. Shuichi tore his gaze away lazily, and slowly nodded.

"Oh yeah... okai, let's go." he mumbled. Hiro grabbed his elbow, and relieved him of his overnight bag as he steered him down the hallway to their studio.

"SHINDOU SHUICHI AND NAKANO HIRO! WELCOME BACK, BASTARDS!" A very loud and eerily cheerful voice greeted them as they entered the room. Hiro and Shuichi gulped in unison as they heard the tell-tale sound of a very large handgun being cocked behind them. They turned as one to face the wrath of a very, very cranky K.

**-G-R-A-V-I-T-A-T-I-O-N-**

As the sun was setting over the N-G building, a very hyperactive rock-god was making his way down the corridor of the recording floor to look for his temporary roomie. He could hear alot of noise coming from room 5 and took a peek through the window. He grinned when he spotted his target, and silently made his way in, giving a small wave to Hiro and Suguru as he slipped beside them to watch Shuichi sing.

Shuichi was in the recording booth, eyes closed, his voice never wavering. He had his trademark pink hair pulled back into a half-hearted ponytail at the nape of his neck, his hands pressed against the headphones on his ears as he sang a beautiful, slow acoustic song. Ryuichi leaned against Hiro, and rested his head on the younger man's shoulder.

"He's incredible," he murmured quietly to him. Hiro just gave a small nod in response, keeping his eyes on the small man in front of them. Shuichi when he was singing, was Shuichi transformed. He completely tuned out the world around him, and sang purely from his heart. Ryuichi closed his cerulean eyes, and let Shuichi's voice envelop him completely.

_"Namida ga koboreteru , egao ga chotto hoshikunaru_

_kimi no soba ni ireru dake de , boku wa..._

_Dareka ga toikakeru, rikutsu ga motto hoshikunaru_

_kieru kage ni, mabushisugita hibi wo utsushiteru..."_

Shuichi opened his eyes, and let the world slowly come back into focus. The music had ended, and he'd felt that he had given his very best to the song. It was a painful song for him to sing, as he'd written it months ago when he'd first started to realize that his life with Yuki beside him was ending. The lyrics hadn't come easily, they'd been slow and trying to write. But he felt that he'd managed to convey his feelings in the end. His music was his journal. If he felt sad, he wrote a sad song. If he felt happy or cheerful, he sang it. Shuichi was music. He'd always been best at expressing himself that way. Still, he felt he was much, much better at expressing himself with words to people than he used to be.

As he focused on the room in front of him, he noticed two things.

The first, Sakano was in tears. God only knew why he was in tears. He was _always_ in tears.

The second, Ryuichi was there, a small smile on his tranquil face. He met Shuichi's eyes and the smile widened, the tranquility fading into joy as he started to wave madly.

_"Oh wow! Ryuichi actually came to hear me record! Ahh, I am seriously so lucky. He's so ... he's so..." _Shuichi felt his face flush as he deliberately avoided finishing that thought, instead choosing to occupy himself by grinning and waving back. He mentally psyched himself up, and stepped out of the recording booth to stand near his friends.

"Shu-chan! That was so awesome!" Ryuichi was gushing at him. Shuichi's grin never faltered as he raised his shining eyes to meet Ryuichi's.

"Ne, Ryu-chan, can I talk to you for a moment?" he asked, trying his best to keep his voice level and casual. Ryuichi, to his credit, simply nodded and gestured to the hall. When the door had swung shut behind them, Shuichi turned to face him.

"So, um, I swing by Yuki's to pick up my things," he started, keeping his eyes carefully on Ryuichi's pink Converse sneakers. "And Yuki wasn't there. He'd left me a note." Here he raised his eyes slowly to meet Ryuichi's piercing cerulean stare. The singer's eyes were swimming with emotions, but his face was carefully blank. Shuichi drew a shaky breath and decided to just get it out.

"He's gone to New York for a month, and he left without telling me. He just stuck a note on the fridge 'cause he knew that I'd have to go back there! He just... left." His voice started to shake a little, he couldn't help it, but he knew he had to continue. "So, I left a letter for him too. I told him that I was done. Done waiting, done being used and ignored and treated like I don't matter. Because I do matter. I am Shuichi Shindou and... And I'm important to some people..." Unconsciously he started to twist the hem of his borrowed t-shirt around his fingers. "So, I was thinking that maybe... I could stay another night or so with you? I feel... safe at your place," he finished lamely, all his energy had been a long, long day and he was drained. He just stood there, fidgeting with the t-shirt hem, waiting for Ryuichi to say something. He didn't dare to look up into his face, the rejection would just hurt more if he did.

No-one was silent this long, unless they were trying to word something awkward. And awkward usually meant a rejection. He sighed softly, and dropped the shirt hem, scuffing his foot, his gaze still firmly on the floor.

"Don't worry about it Ryuichi-san. I said some weird stuff just then. I didn't mean to put you on the spot like that. I'll just stay with Hiro. My family are out of town 'til next year, so I can't just go home...," he trailed off stiffly. "Anyway! Let's get back inside, ne?" He forced a smile onto his face and finally raised his eyes to meet Ryuichi's... and felt his smile evaporate as his mouth dropped open.

Ryuichi was standing there, still as a statue with tears running down his face.

"R-Ryuichi! What- Are you alright?" Shuichi was so shocked at his appearance he forgot all his manners. The brunet seemed to snap out of his trance, and hurriedly wiped at his face with his sleeve. Time seemed to slow as he reached out with both hands and pulled Shuichi to him, holding his small frame against his taller one. He squeezed him just a little.

"Shuichi," he began, forgoing honorifics in lieu of needing the intimacy. "You _are _important! You are so very, very important! You... you're so important to _me_. I couldn't imagine not knowing you! And-" he took a breath, and steadied his nerves. "And you'll be staying with me until I say otherwise. Got it?"

He released Shuichi but kept his hands on his shoulders, his gaze locking onto Shuichi's.

"It's your home now too, for as long as you want it, okai?" Shuichi just nodded dumbly. "Good. Right. Let's get your stuff shall we? I think we've both worked hard enough for one day, and I dunno about you, Shu-chan, but I am exhausted!" Ryuichi had let go of his shoulders, and started back into the room, before Shuichi realized that he was holding the door open for him. He grinned suddenly, and was rewarded with a matching grin from the star.

"C'mon Shu-chan, hurry up! Me and Kumagoro wanna go home and sleep 'til next week!"

_"Ne, Ryuichi ... do you realize how easy you are to fall in love with?"_

**-G-R-A-V-I-T-A-T-I-O-N-**

A/N -

So there's chapter 3! This re-write is flowing easier than the original version did.

***"Icha Icha Paradise"** Well, I'm a closet Naruto fan, so I figured it'd make for a great reference. :)

The song I used is this:

**Bad Luck's 'Anti-Nostalgic'**

**Translation -**

The tears keep falling; just by being able to be close to you,

I'm starting to want a smile, just a little...

Someone asks questions; I'm starting to want this to make more sense.

You cast those too-brilliant days into a fading shadow.

**Ume. xx**


	4. Spicy Marmalade

**- TEARLESS -**

**DISCLAIMER**

"Ryu-chan?"

"Oh, hai Ume-kun?"

"Have you seen my disclaimer?"

"Disclaimer? What kind of disclaimer…some kind of disclaimer…let's see…"

**Pulls Ume's disclaimer out from under the Mr Bear on his head and waves it at her**

"Like this kind of disclaimer?"

"Yes! That's the one, I need it so people know I don't own Gravitation! Thanks, but, Ryuichi, why is it covered in pink glitter?"

**-G-R-A-V-I-T-A-T-I-O-N-**

**~adult content in this chapter. This story is 'M' for a reason~**

**CHAPTER FOUR**

_**" SPICY MARMALADE "**_

**A **whole week had already passed since Shuichi had come to the decision to end his relationship with Eiri Yuki and move in with Ryuichi. Although the two kept telling themselves, and everyone else for that matter, that it was just a temporary thing, it was becoming glaringly obvious to anyone who observed the pair, that there was no way in hell it would stay temporary. The media had somehow already gotten wind of the Bad Luck star and the rock-god living together, and seemed to be constantly camped out the front of Ryuichi's apartment block. This irked Tohma to no end, but because they technically hadn't done anything, nor yet managed to even get a single picture of the two, he couldn't do anything.

Yet.

But he was on the warpath for whoever had leaked the information.

Thankfully for both Shuichi and Ryuichi, they never used the front entrance, always arriving and leaving via a very darkly tinted, chauffeured limousine. And the driver was a very good friend to Tohma, so no amount of bribery from the journalists camped outside would ever be enough for him to betray the pair.

Besides, he thought they were "adorable".

Shuichi had been doing his best to be as unobtrusive as possible in Ryuichi's life, as he had been with the author, but the eccentric star was having none of it. Shuichi was prohibited from the guest room after only one hour into his second night, because Ryuichi found it "weird" not to share the bed again. After all, they watched a DVD every night before they went to sleep now. It had very quickly become part of a routine that seemed to establish itself easily. The only part of his new life that Ryuichi had trouble with, was sharing the bathroom with Shuichi. He refused to let the younger singer use the guest bathroom, because he wasn't a guest to Ryuichi. It was only difficult for him, because he would more often than not be completely distracted by the fact that Shuichi had been in here naked earlier. So, he'd end up taking twice as long as normal to shower. One very,_ very_ cold shower, followed by his regular shower.

They followed the same pattern each day though, and it was comforting to the pair of them. A sense of normality in their often hectic lives. They would leave N-G together each day and, if time permit when they got home, Shuichi would cook them dinner. Ryuichi would select the movie for the night whilst he tidied the bedroom and showered, and after, they would clean up, Ryuichi would wait while Shuichi showered, they would brush their teeth together, check the door was locked and retreat to the bedroom for their movie. Most nights, Shuichi was asleep before the half-way point, and Ryuichi would turn the TV off to just lie there and watch him for a little while. He was surprised and pleased with how effortlessly and seamlessly Shuichi had become such an integral part of his home life. Shuichi was slowly starting to blush less in the mornings when they woke up, limbs tangled together, blankets wrapped like a cocoon around them. He was starting to really enjoy waking up in the big bed, next to the older man. Especially the one morning he'd woken earlier than usual to go to the bathroom.

When he had clambered back into bed, mostly still asleep, but with freezing feet, Ryuichi had half-woken and pulled him into his arms so fast Shuichi wondered if he was asleep at all. He had settled easily in the man's embrace and was almost asleep when he'd heard the husky whisper in his ear.

"_Mine."_

* * *

A week to the day since Ryuichi had brought him home, Shuichi decided he wanted to do something nice for him. So, without Ryuichi noticing, he snuck out of bed extra early and tiptoed into the kitchen. He had left a little list with the nice driver with the crazy eyebrows, Lee, yesterday, and he'd been more than happy to help out. So reaching behind the couch they rarely used, he extracted two small canvas bags. The contents clinked faintly as he set them on the marble bench and got to work, humming to himself contentedly.

Ryuichi was woken about an hour later by the most delicious smell he'd ever smelt. Sniffing, he followed his nose and padded out to the kitchen. There, he was greeted by a very domestic looking Shuichi bustling around in an apron making breakfast. Spotting him, Shuichi shooed him over to the table with a mug of coffee and told him to sit and wait. Shortly after, a plate of absolute _heaven_ was set in front of him. Every single one of his favourite breakfast dishes was on it. Croissants with blueberries, waffles with syrup, pancakes, bacon, eggs, and even two pickled plums. He sat there mouth gaping wide, as Shuichi hovered nervously in front of him.

"I-is it alright? I hope you don't mind, but I just wanted to say thank-you, y'know? For looking after me. And according to Hiro I'm not a bad cook, so I asked everyone and learnt all your favourite things," he finished, smiling. Ryuichi just turned his head to stare at him in awe.

"You did all this, just to say thank-you?" A small nod. "Shu-chan … you're amazing! _Itadakimasu!_" He dug in with delight. Everything was perfect, exactly how he like it, right down to how burnt his bacon was.

"It's heaven in my mouth, Shu-chan!" he exclaimed happily, between bites. Shuichi flushed and sat down with his own, smaller, plate. Meal times were a time to be together, and by an unspoken rule, they never ate alone at home.

When the food was gone and the kitchen cleaned, they flopped onto the couch, content and happy. Shuichi decided that this morning had been a success.

"_I made Ryuichi breakfast and he was happy!"_he thought happily.

"Ne, ne, Shu-chan! Wanna go somewhere fun today?" Ryuichi suddenly exclaimed. "We have the whole day off remember?" Shuichi nodded, before stopping short.

"Ah, but, Ryu-chan, how will we go anywhere? Remember what Seguchi-san said? We're supposed to stay here and stay quiet until the press go away."

"_And until Yuki's back"_, he finished silently.

Ryuichi pouted but agreed. He really didn't want a grumpy Tohma after him.

"Well, what're we gonna do? Kuma-chan says we can't watch a movie, that's a bedtime thing! Hmm…"  
"Well, um, why don't we sing?" Shuichi asked quietly, his face heating up. "I-I mean, we have to start rehearsing for our first joint concert tomorrow anyway… it might go easier for us if we've already practised a little. What do you think, Ryu-chan?" He looked up into the older singer's face. It was practically glowing with happiness, as he bounced off the couch.

"Shu-chan! Excellent thinking! You're so sparkly today! Let's go, go, go! To my studio!" he sang. Shuichi followed him, an easy smile on his face.

**-G-R-A-V-I-T-A-T-I-O-N-**

They practised hard all day. Shuichi learnt a lot from the older singer, mostly about how to move about while singing without ruining his flow of air. Ryuichi was very impressed with him, and declared him most sparkly.

They decided to have an easy night and ordered take-out. While they were waiting for it to arrive, Shuichi decided he would have a shower. Ryuichi nodded, and flopped back onto the couch to wait.

Shuichi was standing under the warm water, scrubbing his favourite vanilla shampoo into his strawberry hair when he noticed a weird flashing through the bathroom window. Curious, he grabbed his towel, stepped out of the shower and crept over to the window. He peered through the gap he'd left to let the steam out, and squinted trying to make out what it was. An ear-piercing scream left his lungs as he realized what it was.

It was a _camera _with a bloody_ telescope_ on it!

Ryuichi heard the scream and jumped about a foot off the couch in shock. He was down the hall and in the bedroom before he'd even had time to process what was happening. He found Shuichi on the bathroom floor, clad only in a tiny pink towel, legs splayed in front of him, and positively howling at someone on his cellphone. He gripped the edge of the door frame for support, glad that he wasn't hurt.

"It's a camera! A CAMERA! I don't think they could see me but – Yeah I know! – I WAS _NAKED_! – Okai, can you do that? Because I don't think he'd appreciate _me_ calling – It looked like it zoom pretty far! - Thank you K-san! – Um, I really don't think you need – well, maybe _one_ sniper wouldn't hurt – See you tomorrow afternoon! Oyasumi!"

Shuichi snapped his phone shut and placed it on the floor beside him as he leant his back to lean against the wall, heaving a massive sigh. Ryuichi softly cleared his throat, and shifted his grip from the door frame to cross his arms. Amethyst orbs snapped to his and a deep, brilliant red blush stained milky cheeks as he noticed the brunet standing above him, a curious expression on his face.

"R-Ryu-chan! Ah, gomen, gomen! I must've startled you! I can't believe I screamed like a girl, but I got such a shock! There was a photographer taking photos of the bathroom! Thank goodness that your windows aren't see through!" he blurted quickly. Without thinking he stood up hurriedly, then noticing his phone, bending back down to grab it from where he had been sitting. Ryuichi couldn't help but stare, his cheeks slowly pinking as he took in the scene before him.

When Shuichi had stood up, and then bent down to pick up his phone, he'd let go of his little pink towel. So, the rock-star had a very nice view of the lithe little body in front of him. He let his eyes wander over the pale, defined back, and only linger a little on the firm and sculpted butt being displayed in front of him, before he dragged his eyes back up to safer territory.

Shuichi, however, had frozen. He had completely forgotten the fact that he had been stark naked except for the towel when Ryuichi walked in. But he was remembering now as he felt a cool breeze waft around him. He could also feel Ryuichi's eyes burning into his back. Slowly, and without turning around he knelt down and picked up his towel, and wrapped it quickly around his waist. He heard Ryuichi step back and out of the ensuite, and the door closed quietly behind him.

Shuichi gripped the phone in his hands in a death grip, his face on fire as he realized he'd just flashed his idol.

"_Oh God… Ryuichi Sakuma just saw me naked." _He let his phone fall to the counter top with a clatter as he grabbed at his hair and groaned in embarrassment, only to pull them away in disgust a moment later.

"Eew! Shampoo!" he turned back to the shower and climbed in, sighing again as he tipped his head back under the flow of warm water.

"_I wonder… if I look good naked?" _he mused silently, looking down at himself. He didn't think he was too bad looking. He was pale, admittedly, but always had been. He ran his hands down his chest, down his stomach. He had abs, not overly defined, but there. He ran his hands over his hips, acknowledging that they were a bit feminine. He paused, and looked at his crotch. He wasn't exactly _endowed_ but he wasn't lacking either.

"It suits me!" he stated out loud. Nodding in acknowledgement of his self-declared sexiness, he stuck his head back under the shower head and finished washing.

Outside the bathroom, Ryuichi was braced against the ensuite door, his breath harsh and ragged as he tried to restrain himself from barrelling back in there and ravaging Shuichi. He turned and slumped against the door. He heard a noise like something being dropped, then a groan and Shuichi exclaim something about shampoo. He guessed from the sounds that followed, he'd gotten back in the shower. He sighed as he realized he was painfully aroused, and that it didn't seem to be going away. Standing silently, he made his way into the guest bedroom and shut the door. Knowing he only had a few minutes, he quickly shoved his shirt up, pulled his lounge pants and boxers to his knees and grabbed his achingly hard member. Just that simple touch was enough to drag a loud moan from his lips, and he bit down on his bottom lip to stop any more from escaping. He stroked himself with long, hard strokes and quickly felt the fire spread and build. It took only a few seconds before a harsh, ragged gasp got past his lips as he climaxed hard into his hand. Reaching over for a handful of tissues to clean himself up with, he started when he heard the doorbell jingle.

"_Shit!" _

"Be right there!" he yelled, as he yanked his pants back up and straightened his shirt. Throwing the dirty tissues in the kitchen bin as he passed through to the front door, he gave himself a quick once over before he opened the door. Declaring himself evidence free, he opened the door a crack to check it was just the usual delivery guy. He grinned at him, and got a winning smile in return. The young blonde on his doorstep was a huge fan of his, and always respected Ryuichi and his oddities about opening the door. They exchanged pleasantries as Ryuichi paid him and took the bags of food. Waving goodbye, he shut and locked the front door and ambled into the bedroom, letting himself slip into his childish side. Shuichi was out of the bathroom, and sat on the bed towelling his hair dry.

"Ne, Shu-chan, want some dinner?" he asked as he sat down next to him, and plopped Kumagoro on the pillow beside him. Shuichi nodded, and then blushed.

"R-Ryu-chan, I-I'm sorry I screamed like that! I didn't mean to worry you! And…and-I'm-sorry-I-forgot-I-was-naked-and-stood-up-and-flashed-you-like-that!" he blurted, hanging his head down so his hair hid his eyes. Ryuichi stared at him a moment and then giggled. Shuichi looked up at him, hope and something indescribable in his eyes. Ryuichi just smirked mischievously at him.

"It's alright Shu-chan, na no da! I …enjoyed the view." He said with a wink. "Now! Let's eat our dinner and watch a movie! I think tonight is the right kind of night for a Ghibli movie. I think, _Howl's Moving Castle_! Ne, Shu-chan?"

Shuichi nodded his agreement and stood to put the movie in the player, as Ryuichi unpacked their bento dinners. They sat in companionable silence as they ate, occasionally sneaking glances at one another when they thought the other wasn't looking. Shuichi took their trash out to the kitchen to put in the bin. He frowned when he saw the big wad of tissues sitting on the top. Was Ryuichi coming down with something? He made a note to keep an eye on the older man, and immediately confine him to bed rest if he thought he was falling ill. He hurried back into the bedroom, the tiled floor chilling his feet. It had been a fairly mild autumn so far, but winter was just around the corner and Shuichi loved winter. Winter was the season for lovers. It was all about snuggling in warm beds, hot chocolate and long, lazy mornings under the quilt.

Well, he assumed it was.

He hadn't actually had a winter like that with anyone yet. Yuki made him sleep under a separate blanket during winter and ignored him when he said he was cold. He sighed and shook his head as he entered the bedroom. He closed the door quietly and scurried to the enormous bed. He climbed the steps leading up to it, and huddled under the warm quilt. Ryuichi watched him as he huddled in on himself, and raised a brow at him.

"Shu-chan, are you cold?" he queried. Shuichi nodded. Ryuichi couldn't help the small frown that developed as he asked, "Well, why are you over there by yourself? Don't you know that it's practically the law to snuggle in this weather?" Shuichi turned to look at him, amazement on his face. His cheeks flushed a little pinker as he scooted closer to the brunet. He hesitated right before they were close enough to touch however.

"Um, are you sure this is okai? You don't mind?" he asked nervously. Ryuichi just stared at him, his serious persona taking dominance.

"Shuichi-chan, I wouldn't have asked if I didn't mean it. I'm not going to hurt you, or yell at you for wanting something like a hug or a bit of warmth when you're cold. I…I'm not _him_, Shu-chan. I hope you realize that. I would never, never hurt you." Shuichi's eyes filled with tears as Ryuichi's sapphire orbs stared into his, resolve and honesty blazing in them. He nodded his head and sniffed, trying not to let the tears go. Ryuichi just reached over and pulled him into a tight embrace, leaning back against the pillows. He nuzzled his face into the mess of pink locks, and sighed in contentment. Shuichi hesitantly wrapped his arms around his waist and pulled himself a little more into their embrace. Ryuichi responded in turn by adjusting their position so Shuichi was nestled in his lap, his head against the brunet's chest, arms wrapped around his waist and his legs tucked comfortable over Ryuichi's. He sighed happily, and relaxed. Ryuichi lifted his head a little, and rested his cheek against Shuichi's head.  
"Ne, Shu-chan?"

"Mmm?"

"Do you… I mean, are you happy? About…everything with Yuki, and this with me?" There was a pause, and Ryuichi wondered if maybe he'd gone too far in asking.

"Well…" Shuichi's voice was quiet, but firm. "I was very sad, obviously, when I realized that it was over between Yuki and me. But I was not as sad as I thought that I would be, you know. I was angry at him for leaving and not calling. But I wasn't sad, because… I think, deep down … I had realized it a long time ago. With Yuki, the only future ahead of me was one that was sad and dark, and full of pain. And I don't think I would've survived that. I need light, and happiness to live. I'm not someone who was designed to be alone, Hiro says. But that said, I think I'm the kind of person who only ever truly falls in love once. And I knew, deep in my heart, that I hadn't truly fallen in love with Yuki. I think, I never let myself." He paused, and drew a deep breath, letting it out in a shaky sigh.

"It's painful to admit it, but I feel like, if I'd let myself truly fall in love with Yuki, really, truly fall in love with him… I would have become someone I hate. I would have been weak…" He tightened his grip on Ryuichi minutely, as though he didn't notice he was doing it.

"I think," he continued in a whisper, "…I think I probably would have died from it in the end." The tears he'd tried to hold in found their release as they spilled down his cheeks, soaking into Ryuichi's shirt. He sniffed hard, and rubbed his face on his shirt to dry it as he managed to stop crying. The brunet stayed silent, his eyes wide in shock. He'd had no idea the depth of what Shuichi had obviously been going through in his mind. He felt sick and guilty for asking him to divulge all this to him.

"Shu-chan, I'm sorry, you don't have to-" Shuichi cut him off by twisting around and very carefully, and very gently pressing his lips to Ryuichi's in a soft, chaste kiss. It was over in a second, barely enough time for Ryuichi to process what had happened. Shuichi just smiled at him, and turned back to the television.

"I don't regret anything, Ryu-chan. Particularly where you're involved." He snuggled himself into Ryuichi's chest, and let himself slowly start to drift off. He was abruptly exhausted. The emotional conversation, and the tears had worn him out.  
"I think… I could easily… be falling for you…" he mumbled quietly. Ryuichi just lay there in shock, as Shuichi's breathing slowly eased into the rhythm Ryuichi had come to recognize as his sleeping rhythm. He stared down in absolute shock and amazement at the small frame curled into him. Shuichi had just said he could be falling in love with him. That it would be easy. He felt something spark inside of him.

Hope.

He was hopeful and he was determined. He would fix the damaged heart of the angel in his lap, and he would claim it for himself. Shuichi was his, and he was going to know it.

He wriggled down into the bed, careful not to disturb his precious bundle. He lazily reached over for the remote and flicked the television off. He lay in the dark, Shuichi in his arms, his breathing slow and steady and warm on his chest. Ryuichi came to the conclusion that, for the first time in a long time, he was genuinely, truly happy. He adjusted the quilt around Shuichi and himself, and buried his face into those irresistible strawberry tresses.

"I love you, Shuichi." Whispered quietly, gently. Words not meant to be heard, spoken only to reassure the speaker of their sincerity.

**-G-R-A-V-I-T-A-T-I-O-N-**

The next day was chaos at N-G.

Word had spread of the media's sudden determination to oust Shuichi Shindou's supposed affair with Ryuichi Sakuma. The staff were all on edge, and whispering to themselves over who would've had the gall to go against Seguchi's law about speaking to the press.

And Tohma … well.

He was on the warpath. And it was a bloody, messy and terrifying business. He called in group after group of employees trying to determine who had talked. All morning was much the same.

Oddly enough though, he seemed somewhat calmer after a phone call he received after lunch. Ryuichi decided that a suddenly calm Tohma could only mean one of two things.

One – he'd discovered who the photographer from the night before was.

Two – that Yuki had called him.

Spotting the concerned look in his friend's eyes as he was organizing a press statement with K, the rock-god concluded that it was most definitely the latter. He sighed as he realized that he would quite soon be facing the media and doing damage control.

Shuichi had apparently come to much the same conclusion.

"Ne Ryu-chan?" he'd sought him out and asked him to sit in the empty studio with him. Ryuichi turned his gaze to him, noting that he kept his head bowed, and his hands in his lap.

"Do you … that is, do you think we'll be in trouble? Like, with our fans and family for living together?" A small sigh followed, as Shuichi finally lifted his head and looked Ryuichi in the eye. "I mean, what if I told them a bit about my home life with the great Eiri Yuki? What if they all knew what a cold, cruel bastard he really was?" Sapphire eyes widened in shock. Shuichi ran his hands through his hair, leaving it adorably scruffy. He tilted his head slightly to the right and kept his eyes locked on Ryuichi, who found himself suddenly unable to speak.

They were shaken from their trance by Hiro and K running full tilt into the room a moment later, and demanding that they switch on the TV.

"_We are now crossing live to the front of romance author Eiri Yuki's apartment building where his agent is set to release a statement about the claims his live-in lover, Shuichi Shindou of Bad Luck fame, has been having an affair with Nittle Grasper's Ryuichi Sakuma." _

"Oh… fuck." K's grim statement seemed to sum up all the feelings in the room.

"_On behalf of my client, one Eiri Yuki, I am saddened to announce that the relationship between himself and Shuichi Shindou has ended amicably. Eiri is requesting that the media respect his need for privacy at this time, and will make a public appearance later this month. Thank you for your time, there will be no questions." _

"…fuck."

* * *

"Shindou-san! Shindou-san! Is it true that you and Sakuma-san have been having an affair?"

"Sakuma-san! Is it true that Shindou-san is the reason you—"

"SILENCE PLEASE!" K's booming voice drowned out the massive press mob as Shuichi and Ryuichi made their way onto the platform and sat behind the table.

"There will be one statement released as a joint statement, and no questions. Seguchi-san?"

Tohma nodded and leant forward towards the only microphone on the table, as K stepped back to stand protectively behind Shuichi.

"As manager for Nittle Grasper, and producer of Bad Luck, I will be releasing a statement on behalf of both parties. Shuichi Shindou and Ryuichi Sakuma are not romantically involved. They are simply two close friends, who have found that their personal and professional lives are benefiting greatly from sharing a home. They were victim to a cowardly attempt by photographers last night to 'expose' the nature of their relationship. There is no relationship beyond that of two best friends. I would sincerely discourage any further attempts to invade their privacy. Regarding Shindou-san's relationship with Eiri Yuki, it has ended, but ended so amicably and peaceably. There will be no questions, and no further statements. Thank-you."

Tohma stood, Ryuichi and Shuichi in sync with him, as they bowed and moved away from the stage. The press erupted, camera's flashing and people yelling question after question at them. Once they were safely through the door and out of sight, Shuichi crumpled to the ground, harsh sobs wracking his body. Ryuichi crouched beside him, and motioned Tohma to go on ahead. A frown flickered across Seguchi's face, but he complied.

Ryuichi placed his arm around Shuichi's shoulders and rubbed his arm comfortingly.

"Ne, Shu-chan, it's alright. They're just … they're vultures." Shuichi nodded, dragging deep shaking breaths into his tight chest. He kept his hands where they were, fisted tightly in his hair, but slowly lifted his head to meet Ryuichi's eyes.

"Amicably? _Amicably?_ Ryu-chan, I left him a letter! That's not amicable! That's…cowardly. I-I'm a coward!" Burning hot tears streamed down his cheeks. Ryuichi sighed softly, before coming to a decision. Moving quickly, he scooped the smaller man up into his arms bridal style, and carried him down the hallway.

"You're not a coward, Shu-chan. You're brave, beautiful, smart and wonderful. You did the only thing you could do in that situation to save yourself", he murmured. "Don't ever call yourself a coward, because you really aren't." a small nod from the pink bundle in his arms, and the sobs ceased. Delicate white hands wound themselves around his neck and Shuichi buried his head into Ryuichi's collarbone.

"Ryu-chan? …Will you take me home now? I wanna lay in bed with cookies and watch movies with you." Ryuichi could feel the smile against his chest, and smiled in return, as he adjusted their route to lead them to the limo waiting outside.

"Hai! Home-ward we go, Shu-chan! Tomorrow will be brighter and better, na-no-da!"

* * *

"_Hello?"_

Tohma sighed in relief when his sixth call in so many minutes was answered.

"Eiri, you had me worried."

"_Ah, Tohma. I was wondering when I would hear from you. Did you hear that the brat and I split-up 'amicably'? That we ended our relationship like mature adults?" _A snicker came down the line, and Tohma shuddered.

"Eiri, he only did what he felt was right for him. I'm not his biggest fan in the world, but the kid's grown on me. He, uh, he deserves a bit of happiness."

There was nothing but silence from the other end. Then –

"_What about me, Tohma? What about my happiness?" _A click, and the line went dead in Tohma's ear. He found himself sighing again.

"Eiri… just don't do anything stupid."

* * *

Eiri Yuki sat alone in his study, his phone and Shuichi's letter on the desk in front of him. He picked up the letter in one shaky hand, and leant back in his chair, tipping his head back and holding it above his face to read it.

"Deserves happiness huh? What about me… hey brat… what about me?" he asked the room quietly. Tears slipped hot and fast down his face as he stared at the letter. He could feel the wetness on his cheeks, the burning in his eyes.

He could also feel the weight of a small velvet box in his coat pocket.

"_Ne, Shuichi? Did you really doubt I loved you at all?" _

**-G-R-A-V-I-T-A-T-I-O-N-**

**A/N** – sorry for the delay in the update, I went on holiday :) next chappie will be up hopefully by Sunday night, so please read & leave a review if you think I've earnt it. this chapter is a new one, was never in the original :) -Ume xx


	5. Break Through

**- TEARLESS -**

**DISCLAIMER**

"Tatsuha, my man! Read this!"  
"Umeko does not own Gravitation or its characters. Because if she did, there would be copious amounts of whipped cream and handcuffs."

"Need a hanky for your nose, Tats?" ;)

**-G-R-A-V-I-T-A-T-I-O-N-**

**~adult content in this chapter. This story is 'M' for a reason~**

**I've also adjusted people's ages so it suits my story **

**CHAPTER FIVE**

_**" BREAK THROUGH "**_

"_**T**__he potentially disastrous joint statement released by N-G's Seguchi Tohma this afternoon in relation to the claims that 19 year old Shindou Shuichi, of Bad Luck fame, and 28 year old rock idol Sakuma Ryuichi, of Nittle Grasper, have been having an affair outside of Shindou-san's relationship with internationally acclaimed romance novelist, 27 year old Yuki Eiri has done little to suppress the speculation that there is indeed more than meets the eye in this story. Yuki-san's agent released a similarly vague statement announcing the end of his relationship to Shindou-san, but neglected to dispel or disprove the rumors. This alone has fuelled the flames that Shindou-san and Sakuma-san are indeed involved romantically at this point in time. We are now going to cross over live to– "_

A quick press of a button, and the overly perky reporter on the screen disappeared as the screen faded out to black. Thin, pale hands shook as they gripped the remote tightly and tried to resist the urge to hurl it at the closest wall. Larger, tanned ones reached over and gently pried it loose from the death grip it was trapped in, and placed it away out of sight and reach of the other hands. Shuichi let himself fall backwards and buried himself among the pile of pillows that he and Ryuichi had amassed on the bed for their afternoon of movies. They'd made it all the way home without any incidents involving the press, and Lee had escorted them all the way up in the elevator, just in case. He'd left his sunglasses on, mumbling something about how it meant he couldn't see anything that they might wish to keep private. He'd been referring to the fact that Shuichi had Ryuichi's hand clutched tightly in his own. Shuichi scrubbed his hands over his face, and sighed. He rolled over onto his side and stared at the man beside him on the bed. Ryuichi was watching him with a concerned look on his face.

"Ne, Ryu-chan?" the quietly delivered words caught Ryuichi's attention, and he tilted his head ever so slightly to the left, and indication that he was listening. "D'you, um… that is, could I borrow your studio for a while? I think want to sing…" he said quietly, burying his face back into the pillows. Ryuichi's entire demeanor brightened, as he smiled brilliantly at the mess of pink hair in front of him, the only part of Shuichi that was now visible. He reached out and gently tugged on a stray lock of hair and his smile only widened when Shuichi lifted his head, and smiled in return.

"C'mon Shu-chan, up with you! You know where to go!" he encouraged. "Here, take Kuma-chan to keep you company, ne?" He plopped the pink rabbit onto Shuichi's head once he was standing. He got a winning grin in response, and Shuichi walked slowly out of the room and down the hall. He waited until he'd heard the door to the studio shut before he pulled his cellphone from his pocket and hit the speed dial. When he heard the answering voice on the other end, he asked quickly,

"Tohma? How bad is it?" He bit his bottom lip as he waited for the response.

"_It's pretty bad, Ryuichi. The press are camped out everywhere – in front of the studios, your apartment, Eiri-san's apartment, even in front of Nakano-san and Fujisaki-san's homes. I've spoken to Eiri-san, and he really had no idea that this was coming. Did you?" _Ryuichi could hear the unspoken comment behind the question. _"Are you involved with Shindou?" _

"I had no idea either Tohma, I really didn't. I knew that Shu-chan was terribly unhappy but I didn't think he would ever want to actually leave Yuki-san. I thought that he'd just keep on enduring it." He paused briefly before continuing. "But… I can't say that I'm not grateful that he left, y'know. It means that I have a chance now to show Shu-chan that love doesn't have to be sad and scary. It can be fun and wild. And I think that he … I really think that he was suffering a lot more than anyone will ever truly realize with Yuki-san. There's a lot that goes unsaid when he's upset." He heard Tohma sigh deeply into the phone.

"_Ryuichi, I just hope that the two of you are prepared for this. No-one knows how this is going to play out, or when the media will tire of it, or even how Eiri-san is going to handle it. So I need to know that the two of you are going to stick out whatever it is you have. I will support you because you are my family. It's time I let go of Eiri-san and concentrate on what's important. Right now, that's you." _

Ryuichi was stunned at how much his often stoic friend was opening up to him. For Tohma to acknowledge that he needs to let Yuki go, and to take his side over that of the apathetic author was a massive step in the right direction. He and Noriko had been telling him for years that his obsession with the blond was dangerous for his health, and it seemed as though finally, something was getting through to him.

"_I'll admit freely that I'm not Shindou-kun's biggest fan, nor would I go so far as to call him a friend, but he is important to you, Ryuichi, and that automatically makes him important to me. So I will do my best to protect the two of you from all this as much as I can, but I can't guarantee that you'll come out the other end untouched. But I will do my best. I must be off now, Ryuichi. Tatsuha-san has just arrived," _a sigh. _"It would appear I am in for quite the evening. Oyasumi, Ryuichi." _A small click sounded, and Ryuichi's phone sounded that the call had ended. He giggled and couldn't help himself as he quickly typed a text message to Tohma.

"_Have a drink with him, Tohma! Tatsuha can be rather quiet after sake! ;)" _

Another small giggle as he pressed send and snapped his phone shut and tossed it onto the bedside table. He decided to check in on Shuichi as he heaved himself off the bed and wandered out into the hall. Approaching the studio door, he hesitated, wondering if he'd be intruding. He knocked softly, but when he received no response he gently opened the door and peered in. He felt his eyes widen as he took in the sight before him. Shuichi was sitting slumped against the wall, tears pouring freely down his cheeks, headphones pressed against his ears, a notebook and pen on the floor beside him. He had his head tilted back so it rested against the wall, his hands palms up on the floor beside him. He looked broken and pitiful. Ryuichi wanted to go in and comfort him, but knew that Shuichi needed this time alone to mourn the ending of what had been his first love. He'd poured so much of himself into trying to make the relationship work with Yuki-san that Ryuichi was surprised that he had anything left. He stepped back and silently shut the door.

"_Poor Shu-chan… I guess all I can do is to be here for him when he's ready to talk." _With that thought in mind, Ryuichi turned and went back into the bedroom, deciding a warm shower would help relax his suddenly tense shoulders.

* * *

Shuichi had managed to write what he'd been feeling when the television had shown a photo of Yuki as they discussed the end of their relationship. In all honesty, it had been the first time that the young singer had seen his ex-lovers face in a while. He'd been avoiding it, afraid that it would make him change his mind and go running back. So he'd avoided opening the photos on his phone, and had made Hiro change his background to something different. (He'd made it a picture of him and Suguru in something their driver, Lee had called the "Good Guy" pose.) He'd heard Ryuichi open the door, but had kept the headphones on, the music off. He took them off with a sigh and sat them on the floor next to him. He stared disinterestedly at the half-formed lyrics he'd scribbled in his haste to get his feelings about Yuki out.

_Running, running. Blind you left me, blind I feel. _

_Where have you gone to, you stole my heart from me_

_In your haste you forgot_

_To reconsider what I'd lost_

_My innocence of the world, innocence of the heart_

_You stole it all without a thought. _

"Ugh. That's terrible," he mumbled. "Yuki's never been a good muse…" he paused. Reaching out, he picked up his notebook and pen and turned to a fresh blank page.

Maybe a _new_ muse is what he needed?

**-G-R-A-V-I-T-A-T-I-O-N-**

Eiri Yuki was sitting alone in his bed, a glass of whisky beside him, his laptop open in front of him, much the same as he had every night since he'd come back early from New York and discovered that his life was over. He refused to turn the TV on, knowing exactly what he'd be watching. More about how he and Shuichi had ended things so well, etc etc.

It was all bullshit.

He'd picked up his phone about a hundred times, scrolled to Shuichi's number and then tossed it away without dialing, only to repeat his actions minutes later. He was angry and hurt, but refused to be the pathetic ex who called demanding to know why he was an ex.

Truthfully, he knew why. Shuichi had been very considerate in that regard, ensuring that Yuki knew without a doubt why he was leaving. He'd been frightfully unhappy, and felt unloved. Yuki knew that too. He'd stopped the random one night stands, stopped bringing them home and meeting them elsewhere. He'd even ended the thing with his editor that had been going on since he got started as an author. He knew that he was difficult to live with, but he also felt that he'd started to accept the brat more. Apparently, he'd been the only one to see it that way. He wondered if maybe kicking the brat out while he was writing had been a mistake. It was clearly the deciding factor in regards to his feelings about the relationship. He also knew, without a doubt that just leaving him a note on the fridge had been the wrong approach. And ignoring his messages and calls had also been a bad idea. That said, his phone had been silent for over a week now. The only people to call him were Tohma and his agent. The initial call from his agent had been awkward to say the least.

"_Eiri-san, have you been following the news at all? Have you seen what they're saying about Shindou-san? It… it's not good, Eiri-san." _ He'd felt his heart drop as he'd snapped his phone shut, cutting off his agent. Heart pounding, he'd opened his Tokyo newspaper and flipped to the entertainment section. Sure enough, a huge photo of Shuichi and Ryuichi posing together for a promo poster for their joint concert took over a whole page. The headline splashed across it was what made Yuki's breath catch in his throat.

"_**SHINDOU AND SAKUMA – MORE THAN FRIENDS? An explosive development!"**_

He'd felt his heart fall lower and lower as he read the article. Shuichi and Sakuma had been seen leaving N-G together three days in a row now. He'd thought that the brat had gone to Nakano's place like usual. But, he'd been wrong. It seemed to be a recurring theme in his life lately. So he'd called his agent back, demanded that he book him a ticket on the next flight back to Japan, and run home. Only to find that his home was empty, devoid of the only shred of happiness he'd had in so long.

He gripped his hair in his hands and fought back the wave of grief he felt rising. As he let his head fall forward, he caught sight of the small black box sitting on the chair across the room. He stopped and stared at it. It was mocking him, he was sure of it. That damned box and what was in it was supposed to have brought joy, and tears of happiness to Shuichi and himself. Instead he felt like something was burning a hole through his heart every time he caught a glimpse of it. He thought that he'd thrown it into the corner somewhere, but apparently not.

"Dammit all to _hell _Shuichi!" he yelled suddenly. "GODDAMN IT ALL TO _FUCKING_ HELL!" Yuki gave in to the waves of grief pulling at him and let his head fall into his hands as he sobbed into them. He was broken and ashamed of it. He was Eiri Yuki! He was supposed to be above all this, but that damned brat had weaseled his way into his heart so well that he truly felt a piece of himself was missing.

"Damn it all, Shuichi…"

**-G-R-A-V-I-T-A-T-I-O-N-**

Four hours later, Ryuichi woke up with a start in the pitch dark bedroom. He sat bolt upright in the bed, panicking as he realized he was alone. He vaguely recalled lying down when he'd finished in the shower, and came to the conclusion he must have dozed off. Stumbling and cursing in the dark, he made his way to the door and flicked on the light. He noticed a light under the door to his studio and gathered that Shuichi must still be in there. He approached the door, and hesitated before deciding to open it quietly. He poked his head in and smiled. Shuichi was sprawled on the floor in front of a keyboard, his notebook open in front of him as he wrote down the notes he was playing. He was singing softly to himself, his hair pushed back into a messy ponytail on top of his head. His t-shirt had ridden up over his hips, his low riding jeans exposing the tops of his bright purple boxers. He unconsciously reached behind himself and rubbed at his lower back, and groaned loudly as he did. Ryuichi felt an uncomfortable tightening in his lower regions when he heard the groan. Shaking himself slightly, he wandered into the room, and nudged Shuichi with his toe. Shuichi leapt up instantly, his eyes wild and pen held in front of himself like a sword. Ryuichi burst out laughing.

Shuichi scowled at him. "It's not nice to sneak up on people Ryu-chan!"

Ryuichi managed to stifle his laughter enough to respond.

"Well, I was just coming to see whether you were actually alive or not, and you just looked so poke-able! So I poked you! I'm sorry Shu-chan!" he lowered his eyes to the floor, a puppy dog pout on his face. Shuichi felt himself melt instantly at the expression and moved forward to embrace the brunet. As he wrapped his arms around his slender waist he couldn't help but nuzzle his head into his chest.

"Sorry, Ryu-chan, but you're so snuggle-able I _had_ to snuggle you!" he chuckled.

Ryuichi twitched under his grip, before bringing his arms up to return the hug. He lowered his head to Shuichi's and rested his cheek on his hair. He smiled and tightened his arms a little. His smile grew when he felt Shuichi do the same. He moved to pull away, wanting to ask Shuichi if he was hungry, but found himself pulled back so hard that he lost his balance. With a yelp of pain from Shuichi and a loud curse of surprise from Ryuichi, over they went, Shuichi landing on his back, Ryuichi landing awkwardly on top of him. He moved off quickly, not wanting to squish the younger man underneath him. He was shocked however when Shuichi reached up with one shaking hand and gently tugged the front of his shirt, encouraging him to move back down. He bit his bottom lip and lowered his eyes, the amethyst orbs burning with so many different emotions. Ryuichi gasped softly when he brought his other hand up to frame his face, before sweeping both his thumbs sliding carefully over his cheekbones. He moved them slowly, hesitantly, over his hair, running his fingers through it, enjoying the silky softness of it. He moved along Ryuichi's neck, his shoulders and cautiously over the flat, toned planes of his chest. Ryuichi could feel every burning touch like fire through the thin fabric of his t-shirt. He paused and rested his hands on the other's hips, before gently pushing Ryuichi's t-shirt up out of the way. He traced his fingers over the subtly defined abs that were now visible, pausing when he reached the hem of the t-shirt again. Ryuichi drew a deep, shuddering breath when Shuichi abandoned his stomach and moved to his back. His arms trembled with the effort of both holding himself up, and holding himself back. Never in his life had someone paid so much attention to his body, just to _know _him, without wanting something. Shuichi ran his hands up and down Ryuichi's back, and finally stopped when he reached the top of his pajama pants. He slowly, carefully raised his gaze to meet Ryuichi's full on. Ryuichi could feel the desire that must be written all over his face. He was breathing heavily, and he could feel that he was rock hard. Shuichi finally let go of his bottom lip, and ran his tongue over it instead. He smiled tenderly up at the older man above him, and whispered,

"Will you kiss me, Ryuichi?"

Ryuichi felt his heart pick up to a pace he was sure should have been fatal as he watched Shuichi's cheeks flush red. He lowered his head carefully and set his mouth gently onto Shuichi's, his eyes fluttering shut at the same time as Shuichi's. It was like fitting two pieces of a puzzle together, as though their mouths had been made to match each other's. Shuichi's lips were soft, so soft. He pressed down gently, not wanting to startle the younger man with the passion he felt. He gasped in shock when he felt Shuichi press his hips up into his, feeling the hardness pressed against his thigh that matched his own. He moaned when Shuichi took advantage of the gasp, and swiped his tongue through his lips. He felt it move along with his own, and pressed himself into the kiss just a little more. Shuichi responded eagerly again, moving one of his hands from Ryuichi's hips to bury it in his hair. He pressed his hips up again, smirking into the kiss when he heard the harsh noise that provoked from Ryuichi. He rubbed against him, just a fraction and whimpered himself when he felt an almost electric shock run through him just from that brief contact with the brunet. Ryuichi carefully lowered himself a little, adjusting himself on top of Shuichi so their hard-on's were rubbing against each other. Shuichi pulled away from the kiss, panting in need. Ryuichi had his eyes shut, his mouth opened a little as he groaned at the delightful friction. He pressed himself against Shuichi's erection just a little harder, a loud moan tearing from his throat as Shuichi whimpered in desperation.

A sudden loud and insistent banging on the apartment door startled them apart instantly, letting go of each other as though they'd been burned. Ryuichi stood shakily, and offered Shuichi a hand up. He kept hold of his hand as they made their way into the living room, both their arousals fading rapidly. Shuichi sat on the couch as Ryuichi went over to the front door. It rattled in its frame as whoever was out there banged again. He peeked through the small peep-hole and frowned. There was a stranger standing there, a small digital camera in one hand and a notebook in the other.

"Who are you?" he called out, not opening the door. He watched as the man shifted, and then held up what appeared to be an ID tag.

"Kusanagi Shota, from the Tokyo Pop Press! Is Shindou in there too?!" Ryuichi glared at the door. He spun and walked quickly out of the living room into the bedroom, snatching his cellphone from where it sat. He flipped it open, and hit re-dial.

"_Ryuichi? What's wrong?" _

"Tohma, there's someone from a magazine at my front door. They're inside the building somehow!" he exclaimed. "Please, can you help me? Send someone over to keep watch at my elevator? Keep them away from my home, please Tohma. Please,_ I can't deal with this_!" Ryuichi could feel himself starting to panic as he paced the room. He felt a sudden calm wash over him as Shuichi slipped his smaller hand into his. He glanced down at him, startled, and relaxed when he saw the small comforting smile on his face.

"_Okai, Ryuichi? K-san has someone on their way now. Just stay calm, and don't open the door. There will be security stationed at the entrance to your floor now 24/7. I'm so sorry Ryu, I didn't think they'd get inside." _

"It's alright Tohma buddy. I just… I forgot for a moment that I don't have to face this alone, this time. I'll be alright. Tell K-san I –_ we _really appreciate him sending someone over this late." He smiled back at Shuichi, who tightened the hold he had on his hand in response. His eyes seemed to be telling Ryuichi 'Don't worry. I'm here now, you're not alone, remember?'

"_Ryuichi… are you sure you're alright? Do you need Noriko or myself to come over?" _

"Nah, I'm alright, na-no-da! I have Shu-chan and Kuma-chan! Once the idiot at my door is gone, we'll be fine!" He heard Tohma sigh in relief. They said their goodnights and hung up. Hands still firmly clasped together, they wandered back out into the living room. Only moments later they heard a comforting sound. The sound of a loud, brash American and his guns.

**"_Move it bastard! Or I'll blast your arse into orbit!" _**

Shuichi giggled. He caught Ryuichi's eye, and burst into hysterical laughter, pulling his hand away to grip at his stomach. Ryuichi couldn't help the enormous grin that spread over his face as he too cracked up. They sat there for a few minutes, laughing madly. Shuichi was the first to recover, and wiped the tears that had formed away. He stood up and stretched. Ryuichi stopped laughing instantly, his smile dying down to a kind of lusty smirk as he watched Shuichi stretch his arms up over his head and wiggle his hips a little. He quickly let the smirk dissolve into a tiny smile as the younger man spun around to face him. He couldn't help the smirk that appeared when Shuichi suddenly blushed brilliantly, his cheeks and neck burning, as his eyes widened.

"_Oh… my… god. I just acted like a horny teenager all over Ryuichi! Ohmygodohmygodohmygod…" _his thoughts were in turmoil as he realized what he'd just done. Thrown himself all over Ryuichi like some sex-starved maniac. What if Ryuichi was pissed? What if he didn't like him like that? What if he was only ever acting like a friend towards Shuichi?

Ryuichi could see the conflict playing out on Shuichi's face and decided to let him know where he stood. He stood up slowly and walked over to him, placing his hands on Shuichi's shoulders. He waited until troubled amethyst eyes had met his, before carefully, and very deliberately leaning down and pressing his lips against Shuichi's. As he pulled away, he smiled, and whispered very softly,

"I don't think of you as a friend Shuichi, I think of you as so much more."

He straightened up, and turned towards the kitchen.

"Now, let's have us a snack and then it's bedtime, Shu-chan! I'm exhausted and we have a big day of rehearsals tomorrow!" He wandered into the kitchen as he spoke and pulled out two cups of instant ramen. Not terribly nutritious, but hell, it beat going to sleep on an empty stomach.

"Shu-chan? You alright?"

Shuichi looked up from where he was still standing stock-still, his fingertips pressed against his lips.

"Oh h-hai Ryu-chan! I'm coming! Can I have the miso flavor?" he tried his best to sound nonchalant, even though he was sure his pounding heart could be heard on the floor below, it sounded so deafening to him.

"_He doesn't think of me as a friend? I'm so much more? What does that mean? Does that mean that maybe Ryuichi likes me too? Is he maybe… is he maybe in lo-" _

"SHUUUU-CHAAAN! Stop spacing out and eat your ramen before it goes gross and soggy!" Ryuichi's cheerfully loud voice cut through his thoughts, interrupting them and sending them out of order. He nodded blankly and took the offered ramen cup.

"Itadakimasu," he mumbled as he took a big mouthful. Ryuichi watched him in amusement before digging into his own cup. He had a feeling that his life with Shuichi was changing, and in his opinion, it was for the better.

Shuichi's thoughts were running along the same line, and he felt as though Ryuichi must be able to hear them, as they lay in bed later on, tangled up in each other's arms. He felt Ryuichi's hold on him tighten slightly, and he smiled.

Maybe tomorrow would be a better day after all.

"_Ne…Ryuichi? Are you… are you in love with me?" _

"_Ne, Shuichi? Do you love me too?" _

**-G-R-A-V-I-T-A-T-I-O-N-**

**A/N-**

Another new chapter, I am doing my best to add to the plot of the original. Its coming so easily to me, and it's so enjoyable to write.

Leave me a review so I know that you're enjoying too?

-Ume x


	6. Shining Collection

**- TEARLESS -**

**DISCLAIMER**

**Gravitation isn't mine. Poo.**

**-G-R-A-V-I-T-A-T-I-O-N-**

**~adult content in this chapter. This story is 'M' for a reason~**

_**Warning: while there is no outright 'lemon' in this chapter, it does expose a darker side to Yuki and Shuichi's relationship**_

**CHAPTER SIX**

_**" SHINING COLLECTION "**_

"_**W**__ell viewers here we are! Live on scene of the very first joint concert for Bad Luck and Nittle Grasper! And with speculation still surrounding the nature of the relationship between the two lead singers of each band, no doubt it will be an event watched by many! As reported earlier, Yuki Eiri the former lover of Bad Luck's front man will also be making his first public appearance since their much publicized separation almost a month ago. It's rumoured that the reclusive author has been personally invited to the concert by Seguchi Tohma. We will keep you informed via our Tweeter* live feed throughout the show." _

"It was only 'much publicized' because you _assholes _were incapable of minding your own damn business!" Heads turned to stare as Shuichi stood up and yelled at the television in the dressing room. Suguru stood and raised a hand as though to comfort him, but was quickly tugged back into his seat by Hiro. He met the redhead's eyes and saw the warning shake of his head. He was silently warning him _"you do __**not **__want to go there right now." _Suguru sat back and heeded the warning. Shuichi was stomping around muttering under his breath about inconsiderate media retards, when Ryuichi came bursting through the door and shocked him into silence. Shuichi's mouth dropped open in an almost comical manner as he took in the rock god displayed before him.

Skin tight black leather pants that looked as though they'd been painted on, sat dangerously low on defined hips. A dark grey shirt that looked as though it had been carelessly tossed on, had been left unbuttoned to display the deep pink singlet underneath it. A sliver of tanned skin was visible between the perilous hemline of the pants and the singlet. Black eyeliner, a smudge of glitter, leather bands around wrists and neck, tousled hair and black combat boots completed the look. Gaping in awe, Shuichi couldn't help but feel a little overwhelmed. Ryuichi was a rock god, and Shuichi was more of a 'pop' god, according to their fans. As such, he was dressed differently albeit in the same colours. He had been dressed in skin tight black leather short-shorts, and a midriff version of the singlet left much of his pale torso exposed. He wore a shirt identical to Ryuichi's over the top, but they had cut off the sleeves and frayed the edges. He too was smudged in black eyeliner and glitter, his hair just as dishevelled and he wore identical leather strings around his wrists and neck. He had dark pink socks that went just over his knees underneath his combat boots. Ryuichi thought he looked absolutely heavenly.

They were still standing there gaping at each other moments later, when Noriko appeared behind Ryuichi and cleared her throat. Instantly the trance-like state they had been in disappeared as they became aware of their surroundings once again, and they glanced away blushing. Hiro snickered.

"It's time!" she cheered. "Let's go rock their socks off!"

**-G-R-A-V-I-T-A-T-I-O-N-**

They had the crowd absolutely eating out of the palms of their hands. They opened with Nittle Grasper's newest song, _'Predilectio_n', followed by Bad Luck's newest single, _'Spicy Marmalade'_. They had girls weeping when they sung an acoustic duet of '_Sleepless Beauty'_ and screaming for their lives with _'The Rage Beat'_. It was the song towards the ending of the concert that had Eiri gritting his teeth. He was seated in a private and secluded viewing box above the crowd and out of the sight of prying media. It was a duet they'd written just for this show. It was this song_, 'Shining Collection'_ that had him gritting his teeth and clenching his hands into fists. It didn't take a genius to realize what they were singing about, and it was _pissing_ him off. Especially watching how much closer they'd obviously become. The sexual tension between them was palpable, and the way they were grinding into each other, draping themselves over each other, always making sure that they were touching in some way was like a sharp jolt in his gut with each touch.

"…_Kiss shining hitomi ni kuchizukete  
Toke dasu hanabira mo jama ni naru  
Make me shining irozuku shigeki no hate ni  
Kagayakihajimeta maboroshi…"_

Even from his distance he could see the expression on Shuichi's face. He glared harder at the stage. That expression used to be just for him. It was a look of devotion and lust, a look of love. And the way Ryuichi was looking back at him spoke more than any words could. They were so close, singing almost into each other's microphones, their heaving chests pressed together, touching, touching always _touching_! A low growl let itself loose from Yuki's throat, startling his poor assistant beside him.

"Get me a drink. Now." he snarled at her. She nodded, eyes wide in fright, and took off. He slumped back in his chair and sighed. He felt dirty, like he was some kind of voyeur to an intimate moment between them. He'd spent so much time over the past few weeks analysing every move he'd ever made in their relationship and was starting to realize just how much he'd truly taken the younger man for granted. The song wound to a close, and Ryuichi yelled some nonsense out, and nodded to Shuichi who stepped forward. Yuki sat up, and focused his attention back on the stage.

"_I wrote this song… recently, and I'd be honoured if you guys will let me sing it! It's a step back from the fast paced stuff for a few minutes, and I'm sure that you could all use the break, ne?!" _

The crowd exploded again, and Shuichi grinned at them. Ryuichi came to stand beside him, and grabbed his shoulder for support.

"_Ne, everyone! Let's give Shuichi all of our love and attention! He totally deserves it, na no da!" _More screaming. Shuichi glanced at the man beside him, and smiled softly. Yuki's gut clenched. Ryuichi smiled back as he let go his shoulder. He took a step forward and sat on the edge of the stage, his legs dangling over, face and gaze fixed on Shuichi who was standing stock still. With a small nod in his direction, Hiro strummed his acoustic guitar, and Tohma, Noriko and Suguru all stepped back from their instruments. When Shuichi opened his mouth and began to sing, a hush fell over the auditorium they were packed into. His voice was strong, husky and beautiful, but underneath all that there was a hint of sadness coming through.

"_Toumei ga yozora somete__  
__hitori aruku itsumo no kaerimichi__Kuchizusamu konna kimochi__  
__nemuru kimi ni todoketai na __Nanika ni obieteru jibun ga chotto iya ni naru__  
__tsugeru omoi torinokoshita hibi ni...__  
__dokoka ni wasureteru kokoro ga chotto itakunaru__  
__toki wo tsunagu hoshi no yoru ni kimi wo sagashiteru…" _

Yuki let this new version of Shuichi's voice wash over him as the lyrics sunk in. He felt a true stab of pain in his heart when he realized that Shuichi had written this about them. About how he felt that he would never reach Yuki. The truth hit its mark, and it hit deep. Closing his eyes briefly, he stood, and silently made his way out of the box, brushing past his newly returned assistant without a second glance. He had to get out, out of the auditorium, outside to where he could be alone._  
_

"_God, I'm so sorry Shuichi… so, so sorry."_

* * *

**~flashback start~ **

**Two Months Prior.**

A loud banging and crashing noise in the living room shocked Shuichi out of his sleep. He glanced at the clock beside the bed, 3:45am. A muffled curse reached his ears, and he relaxed as he realized it was just Yuki staggering in. There had been some conference thing that he'd been invited to, and although Shuichi had lit up like a firework when he'd opened the invite and saw _"Yuki Eiri and Shindou Shuichi"_ on the invitation, he'd been told flat out that Hell had a better chance of freezing over tomorrow than he did of attending. Shuichi had just nodded and walked away silently, utterly crushed that Yuki would rather go alone to a function full of couples than take him. He didn't mention to the older man that he'd already bought an expensive new designer suit just for it, so as not to embarrass Yuki with an out of date one. Instead he just hid it in its hanging bag at the back of the closet and tried to forget about it.

The door to the bedroom slammed open suddenly and Yuki stood silhouetted in the doorway.

"Oi… brat… you're 'wake right?" he slurred. Shuichi just screwed his eyes shut and tried his best to feign sleep. A drunk Yuki was never fun. A drunk Yuki was mean.

"I know you're 'wake Shu'chi… can't pretend wi' me…" He stumbled in and landed heavily on the bed beside him. Shuichi shuddered. He rolled over carefully and took in the author's appearance. He looked like he'd been rolling around on the ground and he stunk so strongly of alcohol that Shuichi couldn't tell if he'd been drinking it or bathing in it. Yuki leered at him, and pulled him closer to him.

"C'mon brat… come closer…" Shuichi tried to wiggle out of his grip, but it was like being caught in an iron vice. He gently told Yuki that he had a big day that day and needed to sleep. But Yuki was having none of it. He dragged the covers off of Shuichi, ignoring the protests he squeaked out. His attention suddenly wavered and he grabbed both of Shuichi's hands in his own and pinned them above his head. His used his other hand to roughly yank down the boxer shorts he was wearing, and to unbutton his own pants, shoving them and his own boxers down to his knees. Shuichi started to really panic at this point. They'd never, ever done it without Yuki preparing him beforehand.

"Y-Yuki! Please, s-stop! I'm not r-ready!" He was stumbling over his words in his haste to get them out. Yuki didn't even seem to hear him, he just shifted himself so that Shuichi could feel his arousal pressing against his thigh.

"I'm gonna make you _scream_ for me brat," he breathed. Without any warning, preparation or consent from Shuichi, he shoved himself in. Burning, tearing agony exploded in Shuichi's body and he did scream. He screamed long and loud in absolute anguish. His body was on fire, and he was being torn apart from the inside. Yuki pulled himself all the way out, and then plunged right back in. He kept this steady rhythm of complete withdrawal and slamming back in up for a few minutes. Something slicked the way and made it easier and easier with each thrust. He suddenly lost his rhythm, his thrusting becoming erratic and wild, as he quickly built himself up to his climax. A huge shuddering groan and he went still above a gasping Shuichi. Without any regard for him at all, Yuki pulled out and went to straight to sleep. The deep, almost comatose sleep of the very, very drunk. Shuichi just lay there, gasping and panting, tears streaming from his eyes. He desperately wanted to move, but he couldn't move. To even breathe was an exquisite form of torture. He could hear Yuki's heavy, even breathing, and knew he had to try and move. He knew he needed help. Carefully, and quietly as he could, he bit down on the pain and screams that were fighting their way up, and pulled his boxers back on. He crawled on hands and knees from the bedroom, grabbing only his cellphone as he left. He crawled all the way out into the hallway and called Hiro.

When his best friend had arrived, he'd found Shuichi curled into the foetal position on the floor, blood and semen running down his legs, and massive terrified sobs racking his body. The blood had been what eased the way for Yuki. Hiro had panicked, and taken Shuichi straight to the hospital. He'd had massive tearing and damage, and had had to stay in overnight. When he was released, he went home with Hiro for three weeks, until he'd healed. It was the last time that Shuichi had let Yuki touch him, never giving the blond an opportunity for so much as a hug. He'd taken to sleeping on the couch or in the guest room. He'd only been back a week when Yuki left for New York, and Shuichi had left him.

As far as Shuichi knew, Yuki had never noticed he was gone. _  
_

**~flashback end~**

* * *

Yuki gripped his hands in his hair as he made a gasping, sobbing noise. He let his hair go, and fumbled quickly for his phone. He dialled as fast as he could, growling at the driver when he answered.

"Get back here now."

He was in and pouring whisky before the driver had even come to a complete stop. Yuki banged irritably on the glass divider, and sat back in his seat as they started forward.

He'd never been sicker in his life than he had when he'd woken the next day and found his groin covered in blood, and more blood and semen all over the sheets. He'd panicked and jumped up to find Shuichi, before crumpling to the floor as he was assaulted with the memory of what he'd done to him. He had violated Shuichi in the worst way. He was no better than the men who had raped the year before. He had taken advantage of an innocent soul and crushed it. He was scum.

And he knew it.

He knew he deserved to be alone, he did. But he still couldn't help the feeling that Ryuichi had stolen Shuichi from him. He felt that he hadn't been given a fair chance to right all the wrongs he'd committed. And it was all Ryuichi Sakuma's fault.

And he'd be _damned_ if he was going to be denied the right to try and fix things.

* * *

Shuichi and Ryuichi ended the concert on a natural high, waving and bouncing around, before collapsing into each other's arms in a celebratory hug. The crowd went ballistic at the sight, and they pulled apart to wave once more, before making their way backstage. The show had been more of a success than any of them had anticipated. The merchandise stalls were completely empty, and Tohma was glad he'd arranged to have the entire thing recorded for DVD re-sale.

The press had had a field day watching the way the two singers were with each other on stage, and the social network had exploded. Tohma knew that come tomorrow there would be a picture of the two of them on every entertainment magazine and paper in the country. But he had already written a statement to be issued in the evening, stating that it was all part of the 'stage act'. If there was one thing Tohma was, it was prepared.

They'd all decided to skip the official after party and simply head back to Ryuichi's place for a drink and to unwind. But there was one thing that Tohma _hadn't_ thought to prepare for.

Eiri Yuki was leaning on his limousine in front of the building where Shuichi had been living with Ryuichi, casually smoking a cigarette as he ignored the press trying to get past his security.

And he looked pissed.

**-G-R-A-V-I-T-A-T-I-O-N-**

**A/N - sorry it's a short chapter, but it was a difficult one to write, because of the stuff between Yuki and Shuichi. **

***Tweeter - yeah it's supposed to be like 'twitter' i just didn't want to actually use twitter.**

** I have the next chapter almost finished though, so I will update again soon. Leave me a review if I've earnt it :)**

**The song lyrics I used: **

**'Shining Collection' - **

**_'Kiss shining Kiss my eyes _  
_ Even the melting flower petals get in the way _  
_ Kill me shining To the limits of the coloring stimulus _  
_ The illusion has begun to shine'_  
**

**'Anti-Nostalgic' - **

_**'Transparency dyes the night sky, and  
I walk alone on the road that always leads home.**_

Singing to myself, I want to send these kinds of feelings  
to you in your sleep, oh, um...

I'm tangled up in something; I'm getting a little sick of myself -  
tangled up in the feelings to convey to those days that have been left behind...  
The heart I've forgotten somewhere is starting to hurt a little.  
I keep searching for you in a night lit by the stars that are bound to that time.'

**-Ume. x**


End file.
